I would agree with you except for the fact that I have been there myself. I, too, was in a relationship that led to marriage with a man who is the most manipulative, selfish, and, for lack of a better word, mean man I have ever met. He was raised by a woman who was the same, and she was/is in such control of his life that the effect "trickled down" to myself and our child. I used to feel sorry for him, that he had such a controlling, abusive childhood. In my mind, he was the victim of his childhood, that he wanted to change, that he was a good man down deep. He is not any of the three. He is not a victim of his circumstances. He created those circumstances. Once you add alcohol and drug abuse to the equation, we quickly learned how to walk on eggshells and pack to stay somewhere else. Luckily, the physical abuse was not yet toward our daughter, and it was very limited to when he was drunk/stoned.
Here's the thing.....I am an educated woman in social work. I have educated friends that have/had been through the same circumstances. But, when you are in it, it is hard to realize it is not YOUR problem or fault. Why? Because they say it is. I don't know how many times I thought I had provoked him enough to hurt me both mentally and physically. But, I hadn't. It was just his securities and his sickness. These men manipulate you so deeply that you end up defending why YOU were attacked.
I used to wonder why "these women" stayed. Now, I know. Prayer for their peace and their children's peace is the best thing until they decided they have had enough......and feel strong enough to leave.
