Replies to '09/05 The Divorce Experiment'
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May 13, 2006, 9:05 pm PDT
 Quote From: honeyeight This entire situation sounds exactly like the 17 years I spent with my ex-husband only he didn't play the "king", he just didn't do a darn thing around the house. Also, he was so busy trying to make our 3 boys (2 years apart each) his friends instead of his sons that I was always, always the Bad Person. I had to take care of the house and the kids because he was an only child and had a father who was the "king of the castle". His mother worked as a waitress for more than 30 years, getting up at 3:00am to be at work for the breakfast rush, and all his father did was sit on his very large backside watching TV when he was at home. He made her bring him EVERYTHING...not once did he even get up to get his own glass of water. This is what my ex grew up with so he thought that was the way things were. I set him straight REAL quick that I was not going to be his maid but I still had to be the "bad guy" with the kids. Thank goodness I finally came to my senses after 17 years and left him for the THIRD time! This time I stayed gone, though. However, he really didn't notice any difference because even though he had the 3 boys living with him, his mother had finally divorced his father and had also come to live with us!!! Therefore, not a darn thing changed...she had meals on the table every night and made sure the boys had their homework done. She cleaned house almost everyday. He lived a great life until 2 months after the divorce was final, his drug habit finally killed him. He died 10 days before Christmas. I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
I have now been married almost 10 years to the most wonderful man you can imagine. We love each other dearly and cannot even imagine being apart. I guess things work out the way they're supposed to after all. I use to live that life for 12 years I was a house wife. I would clean the house make the meals make sure that the children were taken care of and make sure that his needs were met. While he sat on the couch and watched t.v. But it always seemed that I still could not do everything right. About 2 years ago I had finally figured out that I was no longer in love with him and that I did not want to live my life like this anymore and have my children live there lives like that. The yelling and the screaming really scared my children. It took me 2 years to file for a divorece, but one major reason was I did not have a job to help support my children. Well I finally started working and I knew that soon I would be stable enough to leave. I was going to file right after my 2 older childrens birthday. Because I knew that I had that much time to save up and be able to move on. Until one day that he hurt me emotionally so bad that I decided it did not matter when I filed as long as my children and I were happy so with in a couple of weeks I filed for a divorce. Today my ex-husband has not changed he has stayed the same on trying to put me down. But now I know that I do not have to take it anymore. I have moved on with my life and now I have found a wonderful man that loves me and my children for who we are. I feel safe around him and he makes me feel wonderful about myself. I have been told by my friends and my family that they have seen a change in me since I left my ex-husband and I tell them that I followed what my heart told me to do and not my mind. I had received a piece of candy one day and on the wrapper of that it said listen to your heart and not what your mind is telling you. I still have that peice of wrapper to this day and I swear by that saying. It also has alot to do with the man that I am with now and if it were not for him I probably would have not totaly found the real person inside of me. Divorce is not for everyone, but if you have tried working things out and nothing is changing between the both of you. Then you really need to start listening to what your heart is telling you and not what your mind wants to tell you. So just remember if you really are not sure what you want to do with your life listen to what your heart is telling you, that will always guide you in the right direction. |
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