Replies to '09/05 The Divorce Experiment'

Dating is a must. The problem is not that people act "fake" during dating. The problem is that the red flags are there but couples CHOOSE to ignore them. Many women feel they must have a man in their lives to be happy. Many man want an arm hang. My husband was "near perfect" while we dated and we had some trying times that exposed his true self. That true self was pretty darn good. We have been married for 16+ years and have two beautiful children whom we raise as a team.  

  

My sister, on the other hand, always dated losers and everyone tried to tell her they were losers. However, she CHOSE not overlook their flaws and only concentrate on their nice words (they were always charmers). She eventually married boyfriend #3 (the other 2 dumped her) and they have been UNHAPPILY married for 14 years. All the stuff she was told about him before (and chose to ignore) is what upsets her about him today. Go figure! 

  

There is no alternative to dating. We've all seen how these spur-of-the-moment Las Vegas weddings usually turn out. Is that what you want? I don't think so. 

  

By the way, I almost didn't respond to your post due to the ridiculing symbol you chose to put with your screen name. I'm curious; why do you feel the need to mock a very important Christian symbol? As a devout Catholic,I believe in Evolution, but even as a former Atheist I didn't feel the need to alter a religious symbol for my own benefit....very sad and aggressive.  

Yep -- both times I was married, it was about a year from the time we met until we said "I do."  I learned my lesson:  date them long enough for them to get comfortable and to show their true colors.  I have found that it takes about 1.5 to 2 years for this to happen. I'd rather date for a long time even if it doesn't work out, than to date for a shorter time and wind up married to another loser.  Ladies, look closely at the roles of men and women in his family, and TALK about your expectations for division of labor.  Play close attention to the way his mother and his father interact, because this is what he will see as "normal" and is likely what he will expect from you.  And if he shows signs of being cut from the same cloth as Greg, remember that this will only get worse as soon as the ring is on your finger.  Run for your life unless you want to end up like Amy.