Replies to 'Birth Stories'
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May 15, 2006, 9:48 am PDT
 Quote From: kdugger My husband is 27 years old. He does have a lot of growing up to do, as do I only being 26, but from the day i got married I have had to grow up fast to fill in the areas he lacked in. He is also a correctional officer. When I used to think of a man in uniform, I used to see men who were trust worthy and dependable. Now that I am going through this I have heard so many stories of what the power they hold does to their heads. Not all of them. I do not want anyone getting offended thinking I am stereotyping men in law enforcement, because there are some good men out there in it for all the right reasons. However, law enforcement, in California, holds the highest divorce and infidelity rate of any other career. When my husband went into the academy they sent me a letter to make me aware of these statistics. But being young and in love and knowing my husband was a christian I disregarded the letter thinking it would never happen to me. I know all these things play a part into his behavior, including the baggage he brought from his past. I live in central Cali. Yeah for the valley!! ( I am being sarcastic of course.) But I wouldn't trade the small town, for raising my children in, for anything but another small town. I do truly want our family back intact, but it is so fresh that I don't know if I want it for the right reasons. I do really love him and hope with all my heart that we can work it out. But do I truly want him or do I like the comfort of familiarity and want not to be rejected. This is something I am asking God to reveal to me. Not saying that I could never forgive him, just knowing that for us to work it out is going to be a lot more heart ache. But instead of trying to figure it out myself , I have given it to the Lord and pray for his timing, not mine. Because mine would be to have all the answers now, which would leave no room for growth for either one of us. I believe God uses everything for the good and he has something working here. Thanks for the encouragement. Instead of just complaining and explaining it is nice to hear from someone so close to the situation, and be able to vent a little also. Yes you are both young but it doesnt make it "okay" for him to act this way. When I was having my 3rd child I was only 28. We learn as we go. One thing is for sure, we were never promised perfect lives which is why we take what we have and grow from there. I too live in a very small town in the Central Valley.....its funny because we could possibly be next door neighbors.
Im very glad to see that you are hanging on the best that you can. Reading your words brings back so many memories both good and bad. For the longest time I wanted to hang onto my marriage but in the end I knew I had to let go, not only for my sanity and health, but also for the well-being of my children. I used to tell my ex that his living style was going to be the death of him.....I never realized I would be correct. I eventually forgave and we became friends somewhat. I even offered at one point to provide him help just a few months before his death (next month will make 2 years now). One thing a lot of people dont understand is this: that they are the father of your children(even if the men have other agendas) and once you make peace you will always still love them for that reason. I am now engaged to a wonderful man but I still look at my kids and see their dad, and I still miss him and wish that he were around. Know that your husband is in my prayers, it isnt too late for him to turn around and make things right. He DOESNT have to become another statistic. Just keep your faith. I am always here for you anytime you need to vent. I will not bad mouth your husband because I know how that feels too. My family drove me nuts over my ex.........things do change for the better though. Bear with them though because they are hurting deeply for you. Hang in there and try to have a good Monday. |
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