Replies to 'Addiction Support'

Hi, I just joined the club because I am also looking for support.  It sounds like we are on the same both.  My husband went to an eight month program back in 1991. He went through the whole AA program for about two years and stayed sober for 13 years. In Spring 2001 he decided that he deserved to enjoy a drink or two and started getting drunk just like the way it was before he got sober. I always thought that when a recovered alcoholic relapses, he would drop dead, because it happened to a couple of people he knew form the program. But my husband didn't even get sick the first time he drunk after so many years. He drinks very heavily. He would start drinking on a Friday afternoon and stop 24 hours later or sometimes longer.  He goes completely crazy, agresive, mean, offensive and violent.  Like in your situation, he torments me and abuses me mentally and emotionally. He also gets crazy enough to try to jump out of the car while I'm driving because I refuse to stop so that he can get more alcohol.  Completely out of control, crazy, yelling and causing me and everyone else out, whoever he sees in front of him.  I understand exactly how you feel.... This is how I feel every time he gets drunk; Terrified, stressed out, restless, frightened, insecure, traumatized, angry, abandoned, hopeless and dissapointed.  I am to the point where I feel at the end of my rope and I know that my only chance to regaing some peace is to attend Alanon.  I need to regain control of my life and my sanity because he is taking everything out of me.  

You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to get out.  Do yourself a favor, if you can make it on your own, don't ever go back with him.  You need to find a man that is able to give you a normal life.   This weekend my husband verbally abused and harrassed a couple of teenagers in the family while he was completely intoxicated at the beach.  I am trying to make him realize that this is the worse thing he has ever done and that it's time to stop. I have been very upset since, just thinking about all the things he said to these kids and I know it's also time for me to stop giving him chances.  Me and my daughter are starting Alanon this week.  I know it will help us to heal little by little.  My husband says he doesn't remember anything that he did to these kids, but he says that this time he will go to AA.  He has been saying that for the past four years so I won't believe it until I see it.  But this time, I know I owe it to other people to make a serious desition if he doesn't. 

Thanks for sharing your story...  it helps to know that you're not alone  ---------- Good luck to you! 

I read your message and thought I was reading my own story. @ weeks ago, after months of frustration and years of enabling, my husband came home to tell me he wanted a divorce. He was tired of my "controllng" behavor, in that I was trying to help him stop drinking and using pot. We have been together for 5 years, married 2, and have a 2 year old little girl. He has been arrested in the past for drugs and other crimes, and I knew this when I met hi, but I was so naive, I thought people could be reformed and change. He used drugs when we first met, but stopped before we got married. We were married for a few months and I was pregnant with our daughter, and he was in a car wreck and totalled my vehicle, injured a passenger, and was arrested for DUI. I, homronal and in love, bailed him out, pai the world for an attorney, and got him probation. He was completely clean for 2 years, until I lost another child in November. After, taht, he started drinking,more and more each day, using drugs off and on. He is still on probation for the DUI (he left the scene and got 4 years). And alothough he can be arrested for the DUI he commits every night, the iolation of probation by being out past midnight, the drug usage, or any of it- he balmes me for being controlling. He is out some night tils 5 or 6 am. And doesn't care to answer me where he is. He is not having a sexual affari-but an affair with alcohol! 

  My life has suffered an h never cared. I dropped out of school to save my Ailing marriage, and got discharged where they won't let me back in. I had to file bankruptcy after the debt created by him on my cards, plus the money to get him out of jail. I hae been so sick ith worry-I have lost 20 pounds in 2 months and weight lesss than I did 10 years ago as a teenager. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. I live with constant worry-that he'll kill himsel, someone else, or get arrested again. He thinks I don't trust that he isn't havig an affair, and wants a divorce unless I can trust him. I have tried everything. And now, I give up. I have made the decision that my young daughter deserves a normal life-not an alcoholic, drug addicted, absentee father. Her best chance, is me to move on from my love and raise her alone. I am considering Al-Anon meetings. Currently see an individual counselor. 

Stay strong. That is all you can do. Survive for you and your family. He has to choose for himself. I understand the debt thing and the bills-mine is the SAME way-I did it all-but now he should choose to live, or continue his path. I take confort in I love him, unconditionally, but he never returned that favor. I did all I could.