Replies to '09/05 The Divorce Experiment'

Quote From: jamin32

I agree. My ex husband was charming, caring, loving, attentive, understanding, a real Prince Charming......until I said "I do". Once those words were uttered, the rules changed and so did he. This is the normal behavior of an abuser/controller. Once you marry, they think they own you. They no longer have to be nice, at least not in the home. They are all about appearances. To the world they will seem so charming, loving and caring. Behind closed doors, out of view of the public, they are Jekyl and Hyde....literally. Appearances are everything to them. They are very, very insecure people. It starts out as verbal abuse, goes to emotionally, and if you stay long enough, it becomes physical. Most people don't realize that name calling, put downs, pushing, shoving, not allowing you to sleep so they can agrue, blaming, forcing you to do things sexually that you don't agree with, isolating you from family and friends, it's all abusive behavior. I even stayed after he jumped on top of me one night, while I was asleep, and started to strangle me. Why? Well, he was angry because I had taken a stand about his son, I stood up for myself and was not going to be the family doormat any longer. This was a first for me and oh boy, he reacted. I learned it was best not to react to him if I wanted to be safe. After awhile though, he would get violent because he wanted me to react, he needed to argue. Sick. Why did I stay with him? I stayed out of fear and embarassment. I had no job, no money, no accounts in my name, would have no health insurance and had some health issues, afraid that at 57 I was no longer employable, I no longer had contact with any of my friends, embarassed to admit to my family that yet another man had abused me, and I had another failed marriage. There is life after abuse. A new beginning.