Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

Quote From: nikstewart

Ok, here I go with my first ever post. But this has been causing enough problems that I felt compelled to seek help here. My husband and I make up a blended family.  We each have a boy from a previous marriage and we have one together. Ages 9,8, and 4. My step-son lives with his mother. We get him every weekend. We have recently within the last 3 months moved about 2.5 hours away from him due to my husband being transferred with his job. We still are getting my step-son every weekend without fail and my husband drives the 5 hours round trip on Friday evening when he gets off work around 6:00 p.m. and again on Sunday evening to take him home. Now this is where the problems arise. He has asked the ex to meet him she just flat out says NO! He asked to go to every other weekend she says NO!! She basically wants her weekends free of kids. Now God love my husband for being such a good father that if she doens't want him on the weekends he sure isn't going to leave him there.  A little background on her... she lives with her mom in a filthy doublewide trailer. She is dating a guy and is never home with her kids. The kids are always at the trailer with her mom. She blames his grades falling on us moving and says that he is really upset by this move. When actually nothing has changed since we moved. We still get him every weekend. I wonder has she thought that maybe his grades have fallen b/c she is never there to study with him.  My step-son is a big boy. He needs husky pants and has short legs so he needs husky pants and to get them hemmed up. She never does this so he and his older brother (another child from a broken relationship) can wear the same pants. Sunday when he went to put on his pants that he was going to wear home he had to lay down on the bed to try and get them buttoned b/c they are too little. With the amount  of child support we pay this child should never be out of fitting clothes to wear. I wish I had time and stamina in my fingers to tell all of the things that I have had to watch him endure in the 6 years I have been in his life. But being the "step-mom" its none of my business or so I am told. Anyway, all of this has come to a head the past few days with my husband. After the "ex" called me and we talked about going to the every other weekend schedule or her meeting us, she blamed our moving on his grades falling (his grades haven't been good for a while by the way) I kind of got a little upset. I immediately called my husband and gave him the scoop on what just happened. He being the laid back guy he is just says OK. I am appalled that he would be so casual about this. I tell him that this has gone on too long and something has to be done. She can not be allowed to go on anymore disregarding my step-sons needs. He has been on this earth for 8 years and I have been in his life for 6 of them. I have a lot of heart invested in this child and no one seems to take my feelings into consideration. Last night when my husband came home I brought up the subject again. Lets at least try and get him for the summer I said. He yells, "We don't have money for a lawyer." This goes on for a couple of hours.... back and forth with the arguing. I can not beleive he is mad at me for trying to better off his son's life. He and I are at totally different places where this is concerned. If it were my son there is no way that I would allow them to live in the conditions that his son is living in. But I guess that is just it. Its not MY son. Its HIS son. And its HIS desicion. It just really eats me up though. Why does my husband see me as the enemy here when I am trying to help? Is he so frusterated because he feels like he can't get him from his mother unless he proves that she uses grugs or beats him that he takes it out on me?  Do I need to just keep my mouth shut? I love my step-son and I hate to see him having to live like this but unless my husband steps up what can I do?