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May 18, 2006, 4:37 pm PDT
05/12 Toxic Relationships
Quote From: wavdancr... there will be NO real healing. Just like if you treat the abrasions but neglect to splint the broken leg, ... the skin will heal, but the bone never will. I've seen this situation time and time again: people go around treating some superficial symptom instead of addressing the real underlying issues, and NO real healing occurs. It is exactly like putting a bandaid on a broken leg and then wondering why the leg won't *properly* and *completely* heal.
There are SO many screwed-up family situations nowadays that it's like our entire society is really twisted!! Our sick society blames the sometimes-grown children for their parents SERIOUS FAILURES as parents!! In fact, society takes up where the screwed-up parents left off and makes things worse by getting off on blaming the struggling, confused, victimized children. How sick is that?!!!
NO HEALTHY PERSON CHOOSES TO HURT THEMSELVES!!!!! I thought Dr Phil used to know that. But maybe he still doesn't get it?? Whatever his situation, the fact remains that Summer is one hurting kid who needs to feel safe in dumping the obviously toxic relationship w/ her parents ... but it might be awhile before she feels safe enough and free enough to do that. Kids just don't go and choose to hurt so much that only being beligerent and acting out and doing drugs self-calms them enough to keep living!! Of course we have to set boundaries and consequences for this stuff, but FIRST and FOREMOST we need to be KIND and LOVING parents who are HEALTHY enough to raise HAPPY, LOVING and RESPONSIBLE children!!
EVERY hurting kid we see is the product of a screwed up family system and we need to remember that IF we want to see real healing, real progress in these hurting kids' lives!! She's not a kid!
And what is Dr Phil supposed to do? One of Dr Phil's most important messages is "you can't change what you don't acknowledge..."...and Summer hasn't acknowledged a damn thing. It's out of EVERYONE'S hands until she admits that her life is HER fault and no one else's.
She's almost 30. Her parents aren't responsible for her anymore. How long should they be held to her and her problems just because they are her parents?
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