Replies to 'Self Image'

I too suddenly found I had "lost" myself in marriage. I was someone's wife, mother, my parent's daughter, my siblings' sister...........but where was I now? This ties in with the self image topic also. I am one of 8 children born to wonderful parents. But I was always fat, even at birth. That set me apart from so many things. My doctor told me a few years ago that "all your happiness depends on your weight" and he is absolutely right. But..........it is because of the way you are viewed. I was in an abusive marriage for 8 1/2 years, then left without ever looking back. Only one of my sisters and my best friend knew about the situation, and I swore them to secrecy. I lost nearly 100 pounds when the doctors discovered a homone imbalance and gave me the medicine to correct it. I later married again and had two children, I am still married (over 20 years now) and if I gain any weight I withdraw back into myself. I gained a lot of weight with the second pregnancy and it took several years to get it off again. In the meantime my oldest child entered kindergarten. None of the other mothers would give me the time of day. When I once again lost this weight, suddenly they were all my "best friends", now I was "worthy" of being noticed and befriended by them. I got strong though, and learned to look after myself and do some of the things I had always wanted to do. I have had many health problems over the years but didn't think much about it until last spring when they had to remove my last ovary. It threw me into menopause in the worst way. But worst of all, I have gained about 20 or more pounds back, and I can feel myself withdraw again, I don't feel worthy to be here, I feel ugly and embarrassed. I don't go see people because I fear their reactions. I feel desperate. But this doesn't help you. I think you should pick something that you have always wanted to do and if you have a sibling or best friend ask them to go with. Take a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go, even if it is local. If you don't have someone to go with, get a camera and get in your car, drive to the beach or mountains, anywhere the peace can settle over you and you can FEEL again. Take a deep breath and think about the things you still want out of life, and go for it. We only get one chance and we as women (wife, mother, daughter, sister) have a tendency to get lost in the people in our lives, in their needs and wants. Now it's time to see to you, and your dreams. Listen to the song by Diana Ross called "It's My Turn". You will understand. Good luck to you, find you, and know you are worthy of recognition.