Replies to 'Self Image'

My troubles with self image result from the reaction others have toward me, not the reflection in the glass. I'm average looking and I'm just fine with that. However, no matter how hard I try to change things, I am frequently rejected by others because of my personality and communication style. I am not a bad person, I try hard to be morally upright, ethical, respectful and polite. My few true friends admit that they sometimes get irritated with me, but these are wonderful people who value me and respond to me based upon my actions, not how I communicate.   

Unfortunately my social life and my career are always in peril because of how acquaintances perceive me. When I'm feeling caring and concerned, I come across as snippy and condescending. When I'm feeling confident and passionate about a project, people tell me I'm being overbearing and controlling. I tend to get very red-faced and cry when angry or embarrassed. When I have just cause to be angry or on the defensive, people tell me I deserve poor treatment from others because I'm so annoying.  This hurts deeply.  

I've tried counseling and self-help books. I make a conscious effort to improve. I bite my tongue and try to ignore or accept other's behavior when I find them insulting. But I can't seem to make any real progress in the self improvement area. As a result, I don't make new friends, people avoid working with me on projects and I am frequently purposefully left out of social gatherings. The kindest of my colleagues tolerate me, most talk negatively behind my back and a few have outright sabotaged my efforts.   

Here's an example of what I deal with daily: I was wrongfully accused of doing something heinous at work. My accuser has a vendetta against me, a history of dishonesty and false accusations and performs poorly. Yet, my superior told me that because of my demeanor, he chooses to accept the accusation as true.   

Anyone know how to teach someone to become socially acceptable?