Replies to 'True Love'

I think I know what Dr. Phil would say, he'd tell you that money problems are what break up most marriages these days, and that to make things work, you BOTH have to be on the same page where  your finances are concerned, or it just won't work. 

You've got to ask yourself some tough questions, such as, what are the facts/reasons why neither of you can hold a job for more then a year? Why did you marry a man who isn't finacially stable? Both of these answers might be the same, is it low self esteem? Perhaps you have a low level depression that leads you to losing jobs due to missing work or poor performance, or low self esteem that lead you to settling for a man you love but who isn't financially stable. You DO deserve to have a sense of security within your marriage, and that has nothing to do with age! Many, many people hold full time jobs from the time they are old enough to work. Your difference in age doesn't have anything to do with him not holding a job. He doesn't keep a job because he doesn't have to, he probably knows that you will tolerate him being not employed as long as he keeps promising to "try".... I suggest that you read Dr. Phil's book "self matters"... I know that it really helped me alot when I was depressed, and I still have it right here on my nightstand to review from time to time. Best wishes. 

It sounds like money is a huge issue for you.  

If you love each other, it will be in poor times as well as good times.  If what you have changes with your bank account, that is not love.  

Do you pray together?  Is your husband the spiritual head of your marriage?    

How much do you tithe?  Regardless fo how much you have, are you giving with your money or do you keep it all?    

I can completely understand where you are at.  I have always made much more money (not rich, but comfortable) than hubby.  It was a huge issue when we first got married.  I always was the dependable one where he has gone through more jobs than I can count.  I have "floated" him for years and it is only recently that he has had to carry the financial burden-and he is shocked/stressed about it.   Now onto my wise words:  Money is just that: MONEY.  Get a job (again), and put yourselves on a budget.  I had 3 young kids (well, I still have them they are older now though) and we didn't even get to purchase a house until we were married 8 years!!  It took us all that time to experience the growing pains of marriage, young kids etc and get our lifestyles in check with our incomes.  TRUST ME-it does take time but one of you (and I admit it was me) has to stand up, not stand for the situation (not be adversarial, but take the bull by the horns) when it comes to money and take care of it. 

I can't even LOOK at macaroni and cheeze without gagging (cheap, easy meal) or hamburger helper either.   

It will work out-you just have to committ to it.  He does too-I would insist and nag hubby to maintain SOME job.  That was the requirement.  If you were leaving one job (for whatever reason)-you had better not come home without another one in the works.  ONE week would be all I give him.  If it meant flipping burgers (which he has done on several occassions), oh well.  Now, I would do all the overtime that I could, I even picked up a second job at one point-but it was all worth it.  We have owned our own home for 5 years, we have 2 cars (paid off), and although there are some times (like now) that it gets a little tight-we just know what to do-- 

It does take time, but perservere, trust me it is worth it in the end.