Replies to 'Self Image'

Oh my, we're really doing a lot of typing here, aren't we???  LOL  Your suggestion of an "obnoxious" hobby made me laugh.  I used to paint and have decided that I need to pick up my brushes again.  Actually that is not dependant on anything my husband says or does.  He does not stop me from doing anything.  He is totally non-controlling.  He knows that I'm not a cheater, says I'm the most honest person he's ever known but it's not always said as a compliment.  He's tried to talk me into not reporting money that I'm paid in cash, laughed at me for being upset if I see something going on that's wrong and aside from that he doesn't say much of anything about what I do.  However, my time constraints need some work.  Seems I'm spending so much time job hunting lately that it's cutting into my work time.  Not good.  As I've said before, I'm self-employed and do several small jobs. One that I landed while going through chemotherapy, was my dream job.  I could work, on the computer, anytime day or night and I got paid fairly for the work.  But it was temporary and ended the middle of March.  I made enough that I could pay almost all my bills and the other jobs took up the slack.  As you can see, my husband is becoming secondary in my life.  I'm close to giving up on that situation changing.  I have many very good reasons why I can't leave him, my work is all from my home, it's was my home before I married him, and I have pets making renting impossible.  Besides, I've been told that the person that leaves the home usually doesn't get it back in court.  Not in Utah, anyway.  And when I asked him, or rather told him to leave, he said "NO!".  He has a destructive personality so it would mean nothing to him to destroy everything he could smash if I tried to lock him out.  No, I'm not really afraid of him but still.  

Actually, I'm living almost single.  He's only in the house to sleep on the loveseat, shower and occasionally to fix a meal.  Outside of that he's out in the "hut" he built for himself.  It's even got an electric heater, an air conditioner, built-in vacuum cleaner, a television and his foosball table.  And I'm paying all the bills, doing all the laundry, housework, dishes, etc!  I've told him more than once that all he needs is a bed and I'll move his clothes out there, too.  I'm married but single.......   Sounds like between the two of us we could write a book about poor choices in spouses, but your suggestion to "explore every option" is very good advise.  Just be sure to keep a candle lit for me so I can find my way around in the maze.