Quote From: mollyjotxOkay, so all of this applies to me. Sort of. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We had a big fight at the beginning where his mother called my work to tell me how great he was... should have been a red flag. (He is 34).
The thing is, he treats me like a princess. I get what I need and what I want. I get awakened every morning with a back rub. He runs out in the middle of the night to get what I need whether it's medicine or something silly like ice cream. He takes care of me when I'm sick and gets things done.
The problem is his mother and sister. They each call at least 2 times (each) after he gets home from work. I cannot finish a sentence or thought without the phone ringing. I have no idea how many times a day that he talks to them, but I do know that on some weekends his mom and sister will literally call about 20 times. They call to ask for favors... they call to gossip... or to ask "where are you and what are you doing". It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand phones or the thought of his mother - they both make me ill and angry. At family get togethers his sister gets really touchy feely with everyone - sitting in the men's (her relatives) laps and pinching and smacking butts and hugging and doing "traditional" dances. It makes me uncomfortable, but he just says that she is affectionate and her behavior is completely normal in the Greek culture.
She has also done things to make me uncomfortable on purpose. For example, one time she wrote him a card with a bunch of English phrases sprinkeled into the greek paragraphs that would make me worry. Another time she wrote a paper for school about how Greeks should only date Greeks and made sure that I read it. She is 23 and has never had a steady boyfriend. She has always been invited to everything that her big brother gets invited to, and his friends are so used to that that they still invite his entire family to gatherings. I want to be a couple, but I feel like his mother and sister are always there, one-upping me on everything. And he thinks it is completely normal! We get in huge fights about his family all of the time. That is almost the only thing we fight about. Am I wrong? What should I do? Does anyone else think this is normal?
I hate to say it, but I think you are fighting a losing battle. This is how he was raised and this is how he will be. No it is not normal. He has apparently never learned to separate himself from his family in a way adults must in order to live in a healthy adult relationship with a partner. He lacks appropriate boundries. His emotional growth was stunted in this area for whatever reason.
As I see it you have two choices.
1). Search your soul and decide if you can live the rest of your life this way. Be honest with yourself and break it off if you know you can't. Don't live in the fantasy that you will change him.
2.) Make a conscious decision to accept this abnormal behavior as the price you pay for being with an otherwise great guy.
Either way - you must make a choice and commit yourself to whichever decision you make with no looking back or regret. GOOD LUCK!
