Replies to '03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3'

for seeing how some of the things mentioned and alluded to can be and are offensive to WM's.  I respect you and all your posts.  You seem to have a really good balance but also some struggles as well.   You do mention quite a bit about what you gave up and all that to be home so maybe you are still struggling- who knows.  Certainly not me since I've never been home. I am also sorry if you are offended by my opinion of "being grateful."  I will try to explain.   I just wonder....if he came to you and said "Honey, I'm tired of the hours/trips/etc and I found something else but the pay is much lower and you'd have to go to work...I'll help out around the house and be home more...."  what would you say?    Yes, I do think majority of the time it is the WOMAN who wants to stay home and the husband who has to FINANCIALLY bare that burden. A lot of men (and women, too) like the idea of Staying Home and all that but as time goes on things can change.  What if YOU decided to go back to work because you were "losing it" being home?  What would he say?  This is my MAIN issue right here.  It's about BOTH making a decision for the good of the family.  I think both men and women get wrapped up in their agendas and forget there is someone else who may be struggling, too, in some way with their original decision. On both ends I think that either the man can be afraid to ask the woman to go to work just as the woman might be afraid to say she wants to.  Societal stigmas play a huge part in that.  That's what I'm getting at- making a decision based on what's right for your personal situation not because you feel you "should" or an obligation to some ideal that may or may not exist.   I can't say if my husband's job took him away for periods that I wouldn't have chosen to be home either.   I'd hate to think that a decision I made 13 years ago at the beginning of our marriage before kids HAS to be adhered to now after so much has changed.  That's just crazy to me!  Likewise, I really try hard never to say never because life is  unpredictable but I can say this...I feel very good about my decision to help provide financially for my children.  I have no more regrets than any other parent.  Also, by me working my hubby had time with the kids, too, out of sheer necessity and for us that's been great.  He got up at night along with me, he did doctor trips along with me and he changed diapers along with me, too.   I help with the bills and he helps out with the house and kids.  I can see the "grateful" attitude thing in my situation because a lot of women act like "I'm so lucky my hubby does this or that and theirs doesn't"  yet they quickly are quiet when I say I've worked from the beginning!  It's all about choices we make based on our situations and what's available to us at the time.  Thanks for the support....it is noticed.  Sorry for the offending posts...not my intention to someone who does respect my position.   

for seeing how some of the things mentioned and alluded to can be and are offensive to WM's.  I respect you and all your posts.  You seem to have a really good balance but also some struggles as well.   You do mention quite a bit about what you gave up and all that to be home so maybe you are still struggling- who knows.  Certainly not me since I've never been home. I am also sorry if you are offended by my opinion of "being grateful."  I will try to explain.   I just wonder....if he came to you and said "Honey, I'm tired of the hours/trips/etc and I found something else but the pay is much lower and you'd have to go to work...I'll help out around the house and be home more...."  what would you say?    Yes, I do think majority of the time it is the WOMAN who wants to stay home and the husband who has to FINANCIALLY bare that burden. A lot of men (and women, too) like the idea of Staying Home and all that but as time goes on things can change.  What if YOU decided to go back to work because you were "losing it" being home?  What would he say?  This is my MAIN issue right here.  It's about BOTH making a decision for the good of the family.  I think both men and women get wrapped up in their agendas and forget there is someone else who may be struggling, too, in some way with their original decision. On both ends I think that either the man can be afraid to ask the woman to go to work just as the woman might be afraid to say she wants to.  Societal stigmas play a huge part in that.  That's what I'm getting at- making a decision based on what's right for your personal situation not because you feel you "should" or an obligation to some ideal that may or may not exist.   I can't say if my husband's job took him away for periods that I wouldn't have chosen to be home either.   I'd hate to think that a decision I made 13 years ago at the beginning of our marriage before kids HAS to be adhered to now after so much has changed.  That's just crazy to me!  Likewise, I really try hard never to say never because life is  unpredictable but I can say this...I feel very good about my decision to help provide financially for my children.  I have no more regrets than any other parent.  Also, by me working my hubby had time with the kids, too, out of sheer necessity and for us that's been great.  He got up at night along with me, he did doctor trips along with me and he changed diapers along with me, too.   I help with the bills and he helps out with the house and kids.  I can see the "grateful" attitude thing in my situation because a lot of women act like "I'm so lucky my hubby does this or that and theirs doesn't"  yet they quickly are quiet when I say I've worked from the beginning!  It's all about choices we make based on our situations and what's available to us at the time.  Thanks for the support....it is noticed.  Sorry for the offending posts...not my intention to someone who does respect my position.