Replies to 'Co-Parenting'

Quote From: mbranch

I know there is no advice to give me but maybe some supportive words.   I have two children.  Both boys.  One is 12 by a previous marriage.  One is 4 by my second marriage.  We have been married 8 years; known each other for 12.   My two children are wonderful and for the most part our marriage is wonderful.   My husband has a child from his previous marriage.   She is 16 - and neither of her parents are disciplinarians.  They are exactly alike - non-confrontational type parents.  The tail has been wagging the dog for many years now.   I have not been given any support since I met this girl - (4 years) or any type of power of discipline.   So, basically, I just have sat back and watch her spiral downhill.  She is 16 and is going down hill (has been since 8th grade).  She has never lived with us.  Her mother just is not a parent.  She is a friend and has some issues herself (not home, alcohol, etc.) This girl did a wonderful job raising herself until her Freshman year really, when a child needs a parental figure - - some monitoring ya know?  But my husband vents to me and takes out her wrong decisions (and his and his ex's wrong decisions) on me, etc.   and it is very hard for me not to say I TOLD YOU SO.. as I have been telling him the future since day one. And I do tell him I TOLD YOU SO by the way.. I just can't help it.  I just get depressed as I realize I am MRS. IDIOT if I married him, as he has no parental characteristics in him at all.  He is the same with the two living with us and I get depressed knowing I married someone who is younger in the head than his 16 year old daughter is.  He doesn't have a real realationship with his daughter.  She doesn't come over any more as we have restrictions (computer time, etc.) but yet he keeps bailing her out when she gets in trouble or wants money.  It just kills me to sit there and watch it.   I know it isn't her fault her parents are idiots, got divorced, etc... but that doesn't mean you don't take responsibilities for your actions.  I just really feel sorry for her as she has never been "taught" any life lessons from the parents in her life.  I tried early on, but with no support from either of them to "back" me on things when issues came up, I had to give up, I can't care anymore.. it hurts to much.  I had to let her go and go to la la land most of the time.  He is different with the two living with us somewhat, but it is because I am there "fostering" it.  Sometimes his "not parenting" thing just gets tiring.  Thanks for reading.