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Replies to 'True Love'
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August 28, 2005, 11:31 am PDT
 Quote From: jenoc99 I think I know what Dr. Phil would say, he'd tell you that money problems are what break up most marriages these days, and that to make things work, you BOTH have to be on the same page where your finances are concerned, or it just won't work. You've got to ask yourself some tough questions, such as, what are the facts/reasons why neither of you can hold a job for more then a year? Why did you marry a man who isn't finacially stable? Both of these answers might be the same, is it low self esteem? Perhaps you have a low level depression that leads you to losing jobs due to missing work or poor performance, or low self esteem that lead you to settling for a man you love but who isn't financially stable. You DO deserve to have a sense of security within your marriage, and that has nothing to do with age! Many, many people hold full time jobs from the time they are old enough to work. Your difference in age doesn't have anything to do with him not holding a job. He doesn't keep a job because he doesn't have to, he probably knows that you will tolerate him being not employed as long as he keeps promising to "try".... I suggest that you read Dr. Phil's book "self matters"... I know that it really helped me alot when I was depressed, and I still have it right here on my nightstand to review from time to time. Best wishes. I understand what you're saying, but I was 35 years old before I ever married and I wasn't getting any younger and when I met my husband I knew he wasn't financially stable, but nowadays most people are struggling. What I did like about him was the fact that I could talk to him easily. There are so many couples out there that barely say two words to each other all week. Me and my husband talk and laugh constantly. It was important to me to have someone I could communicate to easily if I was going to be living with them. I like the fact that being older than him allowed me the freedom to pursue my dreams without any spousal competition. I totally butt heads with men my age and expecially if they are as educated as I am. For some people I know that is not a problem, but for me it is and it seems to affect the men moreso than myself regarding my education. So basically it is not really a problem that I have, but it is a problem that I have encountered that they have, though. We live in a very bad state for employment and opportunity. I believe the absolute worst in the country and where you live in this country does play a factor in the employment and job opportunities that you have and we are looking to move from here soon. My husband starts a new job tomorrow and I hope it works out, but how can I down him if my job track record isn't good either? I have good self-esteem. I am attractive, smart and funny. We are just very liberal people and having to deal with company politics is really not my forte'. I mean where we live depending on what church you go to can depend on whether or not you keep your job or not. Seriously! My husband is very faithful to me. I know he is and to me that is worth it's weight in gold. He doesn't hunt or fish or go to football games or golf or any other excuse that some married men give to get out of the house only to wind-up in a strip club or cheating on their wives. I know I deserve the best but even the so-called "best" situation isn't always what it seems. I knew what I was getting into when I got married and I basically would rather make my marriage work out than to be a divorced woman looking to get remarried pushing 40 years of age. |
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