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Replies to 'Balancing Marriage and Family'
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May 29, 2006, 8:56 pm PDT
 Quote From: a65zip Hello, everyone. I'm new here and not sure where to find the kind of help I'm looking for. I'm looking for a support group that sees my side of the weight problem. My husband is morbidly obese and has been disabled since Feb. 2004. He can no longer do anything for himself. We've been married for 22 years and have a 6 year old daughter that we adopted as a newborn. The doctor last month gave him a life expectancy of 6 years. So he decided he has to lose weight but can't exercise or hardly move. My problem is this: I am so tired of doing this. I don't think I can do it much longer. I work as much as I can, cleaning houses so I can make my own schedule. But he needs me here a lot, too. If I'm not here our daughter-only 6-has to take care of him. He has coughing spells that make him pass out. If he falls I don't know what we'll do. I don't like to leave my daughter alone with him for obvious reasons but he wants her with him to call 911 if necessary. I don't feel she should be in that position at her age but don't always have a choice. He knows that her and I try to stay away as much as we can, which hurts his feelings, but sometimes we need a break. I've tried to get help locally but noone does home health without money and we have no insurance. I can only do so much and then what? He won't go on the Dr. Phil show without me and I don't travel. Obviously, I have issues of my own, but that's another problem. Are there any support groups for the families of the dieters? How do we keep up our strength? I can't hardly eat when he's around (I know that's bad) because it makes me almost ill to look at him. Not to mention how hard it is for me to not be too hard on our daughter. She has a tummy. It drives me crazy. Last time I got on the scale I was down to 87 lbs. and in my eyes still fat so it's hard for me to understand why he can't just quit eating. Can't he see? Or am I just mean and heartless? I want to be supportive but I'm so tired of this. All help is welcome and appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent if nothing else. I'm feeling a lot like Gilbert Grape these days.
Hi, I wish I knew what to say to help you, but first of all, I would encourage you to be the support system that you can be for your husband, marriage isa committment through all seasons of life, at least it is suppose to be.... Are there family members or a friends that could help out some?maybe even a teenager, some one who can be in the home while you are out? I agree that your daughter should not have to be put into this position, it is so unfair for her, she is only 6. And I agree that you need a break at times, again, I ask is there a friend or family members who can help?............Have you checked out the weight loss boards here on the Dr. Phil site, you might be able to find support and advice there........I do understand a little bit of where you are coming from as my mom is in the position of taking care of my dad as well as my grandma now after both suffering from a stroke, though she does not have kids at home, she cannot leave them alone and gets depressed at times, and it is hard at times to find some relief but becasue she loves her family, she is more then willing to do this and she does take advantage of what little help she does get..........And venting is good, seems to help and can actually make us feel better at times...........Also, have you talked to your doctor about this situation, I am sure he can help give you a good diet plan or refer you to a good dietician. SInce you are pretty well taking care of him and cooking his food and all, then you can control what he eats which can be a bit hard in itself, my dad is a dietbetic and can't have just anything but since his stroke he seems to be alittle bit more manipulative and tries to convince us to give him things that he shouldn't have but my mom pretty well takes care of that, LOL.......If I understand your message, his biggest probalem is his weight so if YOU take control of his eating habits then the situation can get better and that is something to look forward to..........I am sure your husband probably feels helpless and maybe even some guilt, and maybe feels some lonliness, maybe you need to be his biggest supporter, make it clear to him that you and your daughter needs a break once ina while but you are there to take care of him, encourage him on a daily basis, I know it isn't easy but some how, you have to make things work for the sake of your family........................ |
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