Replies to '05/29 Parenting Dilemmas'

Dear Dr. Phil:  

I know everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, and here's mine: It saddens me that most people on here today (message board) are more concerned or have more to say about the young girl with tattoos you spoke with, than with the girl who finally admitted to her mother that she was being sexually abused (for years) by her former stepfather. This is a serious problem among our children and teens that is not going to go away. There are many, many adults such as myself who bear the emotional scars of sexual abuse and will do so until the day we die. There are many hurting people out there, and because the disgusting, selfish, perverts out there convince our children that they're to blame, that they have something to be ashamed for, or threaten them, then these types of stories will for the most part remain secrets.   

Please readers, if you or someone you know is being sexually abused (remember, that can mean everything from being raped to having someone expose themselves to you, harmful touching, watching you without your permission, etc.) TELL SOMEONE! Take the power away from these wretched excuses for human beings. I was unable to put my former stepfather in jail because I didn't deal with the repercussions of my abuse until I was around 37 years old (8 years ago). I was told by a detective that I had to be able to remember if the pervert actually touched my breasts or vaginal areas. I honestly couldn't remember, although I'm sure it happened as I was a deep sleeper when it first began. I actually told my mother when I was around 20yo, and she told our pastor (pastor at that time). Unfortunately, the stepfather was a good faker/actor, and convinced the pastor he was sorry. Yeah, right, he was sorry I finally told. The police were not contacted at that time. My mom didn't know what to do at that time. So we pretended to be a normal family, until at age 37 I could no longer repress the memories that just wouldn't go away; I also had a daughter to protect. Fortunately, my mother finally divorced the jerk, and she & I received much needed counseling. But the memories won't go away.  

I now live over 150 miles away from him, but the memories will follow me wherever I go. I wish I'd been strong enough to tell someone, anyone, what was happening to me. So again, I plead with those reading this, please tell someone if you're a victim or know of one. There are those who might be spared this nightmare.  

The pervert is now remarried and has access to anyone's children. If I could keep him away from children for the rest of his life, I would do so, but I don't know how. So, I'm looking to do whatever I can to prevent this from happening in my little corner of the world, beginning with my church. I helped to birth The Safe Place Team, a ministry dedicated to protecting my church's children from all types of abuse, as well as safety hazards, etc. I decided long ago that I wasn't going to be a victim any longer, and I know that God does not allow things to happen for no reason. I believe He will use me to help or protect others.  

Thank you so much for reading. And Dr. Phil, please continue to bring the exploitation of our nation's children to light, as they need all the advocates they can get., especially from folks such as yourself who have the necessary tools available to actually see some justice exacted.  

A Country Mom in MD  

P.S. Oh, and by the way, the former stepfather? He was a high school teacher, and a church youth group leader during the years he was abusing me. Don't be fooled, they come in all shapes and sizes.