Replies to '05/29 Parenting Dilemmas'

The quote below was posted by "beckysam", but she didn't reply directly to your posting so I thought I would copy & paste it as a reply because I think you need to hear this. They may teach kids in school about sexual health, but I haven't heard of any schools teaching a "how-to" course. Where would she have learned about the "grotesque acts"? I really hope you haven't made your daughter feel so guilty that she is now trying to hide abuse to spare your feelings.

"I also can't believe the messages on tatoos outnumber the messages on sexual abuse against children. I still can't believe how many people have been affected by sexual abuse. My daughter was groomed by her stepfather-I wish I had known the signs. This needs to be broadcast often because I'm sure there are others out there that don't know this exists. I was brought up in a home that was safe, as was my mom, dad, aunts and uncles. I was so in love with this man (my second marriage) and thought he was great. It was very hard to get my mind around what was happening when my daughter finally told me. It all started as soon as we were married in 2000. I had dated him for 2 1/2 years so I thought I really knew him...I thought we were safe...NOT! My children's father was mentally, emotionally, and then physically abusive, so I guess that was what I was looking for. It never entered my mind to watch for a sexual abuser. But as I look back, I can see signs. Just wish I would have known what to watch for. My daughter is now 17 and still has problems. She's not the same girl. He also made a bee-line to my parents and got them to believe him...my dad is still friends with him as is our entire church family. My daughter's father didn't even do anything to him, nor did he spend any time with her. And she really needed him. We don't go to church much any more, as she and I don't have trust in people that we felt were our family, let alone friends. My daughter doesn't even believe in God anymore. She always wears black and has a small circle of friends. I also don't trust anyone either. I spent a lot of time on the couch, unable to do anything-I suffer from depression, fibromyalgia, and migraines. I'm getting better...but worry so about my daughter. We did go to a counselor and reported what had happened, but my daughter was so afraid of the tests and the doctors, etc. that she begged me just to let her say that she misinterpreted his touching. I thought the social worker would see through that, but she acted like she was glad to be done with this case. There's a lot more to this as I know there is with everyone who has been through this, there's just not enough time or space to warn everyone. One thing I will do is tell any woman that he goes out with what happened. I don't know if it will do any good or not, but I feel I owe it to anyone who gets involved with him. He has lost NOTHING for what he did to us. "