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Replies to '05/29 Parenting Dilemmas'
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May 30, 2006, 9:29 am PDT
 Quote From: sheripaul My son who is now 23 has wanted to get a tatoo for years. I really hate tattoos and find them ugly and low class, however now that he is an adult, of course he can do what he wants. I do implore parents to help set limits for their children because as we all know (as adults) our beliefs, perspectives and decisions at a young age are not those that we maintain as we grow older and hopefully wiser. Because a tatoo is such a permanent expression of a point in time, I believe it is better to avoid making such a long term decision until later in life. The way I delayed my son's tatoo for years was to tell him that if he is able to afford to spend money on a tatoo, then he doesn't need my support for his college education, living expenses or other ways that I financially support him. He needs to be spending his money on things that positively impact his future - not wasting it on a trendy tatoo. I was fully prepared to end my support of him if he chose to spend hundreds of dollars on a tatoo. He did choose to get his ears pierced (at one point with a wide guage) and bleach and color his hair. As another poster mentioned, these are temporary expressions and can be changed - they are not permanent like a tatoo. I love my son and want the best for him, and if he now chooses to get that tatoo he's been wanting, he can take some of his college graduation money and do that. I just hope he decides to put it somewhere that can easily be covered - he is considering law school or politics and I wonder how his clients or constituents would feel about it? To the poster above - it's naive to think that people aren't judged on their appearance - why do you think the diet, cosmetic, anti-aging and clothing industries are worth billions? We don't even elect politicians anymore who aren't attractive and look good on television, regardless of how humanitarian they are. As a society we make quick decisions about people and judge them based on their appearance - every study I've read proves that. Even ancient civilizations and third world countries judge their members based on appearance - it is part of being human. It's so sad to see - in writing - that a parent could so readily use emotional blackmail to get what they want. As a parent, you are supposed to love your child no matter what. I could never imagine telling my children that I would cut off their education if they chose free expression. What if he decided to get into a $20,000 car loan? Would you have cut off his educational support then? This is why society still behaves the way they do...judging based upon looks and appearance. And...from one parent to another...shame on your for using emotional blackmail against your child. |
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May 31, 2006, 2:11 am PDT
Quote From: sheripaul My son who is now 23 has wanted to get a tatoo for years. I really hate tattoos and find them ugly and low class, however now that he is an adult, of course he can do what he wants. I do implore parents to help set limits for their children because as we all know (as adults) our beliefs, perspectives and decisions at a young age are not those that we maintain as we grow older and hopefully wiser. Because a tatoo is such a permanent expression of a point in time, I believe it is better to avoid making such a long term decision until later in life. The way I delayed my son's tatoo for years was to tell him that if he is able to afford to spend money on a tatoo, then he doesn't need my support for his college education, living expenses or other ways that I financially support him. He needs to be spending his money on things that positively impact his future - not wasting it on a trendy tatoo. I was fully prepared to end my support of him if he chose to spend hundreds of dollars on a tatoo. He did choose to get his ears pierced (at one point with a wide guage) and bleach and color his hair. As another poster mentioned, these are temporary expressions and can be changed - they are not permanent like a tatoo. I love my son and want the best for him, and if he now chooses to get that tatoo he's been wanting, he can take some of his college graduation money and do that. I just hope he decides to put it somewhere that can easily be covered - he is considering law school or politics and I wonder how his clients or constituents would feel about it? To the poster above - it's naive to think that people aren't judged on their appearance - why do you think the diet, cosmetic, anti-aging and clothing industries are worth billions? We don't even elect politicians anymore who aren't attractive and look good on television, regardless of how humanitarian they are. As a society we make quick decisions about people and judge them based on their appearance - every study I've read proves that. Even ancient civilizations and third world countries judge their members based on appearance - it is part of being human. I am so glad that your son isn't on the battlefield giving orders to our troops, because he wouldn't know how to think for himself!! When your son is 23 he should be able to make decisions for himself without your help (manipulation, or blackmail!!) I am so proud of the fact that my three boys, at 23 were well on their way to their futures, that if they wanted to have a tattoo, well then they could make those decisions from within and with their own future in sight. You need to let go, & not live vicariously through him.
I also am glad that my human kind isn't nearly as shallow & superficial as your world. We can change the world for the better. I am also glad to know that I am not buying into the lifts, & plastic surgery, and the other illusions that are part of your perception that is the 'reality' at the check-stands and at every upscale retailer/advertiser selling ads to sell their products as tho' they are the be all & end all of existence. It is naive to think people are ONLY judged on their appearance, and that we ALL vote only on looks. I would be ashamed to put myself in that category. If those are the reasons you vote and view people, I can see why you have to bribe your son to perform. I am glad I can put my heart and my life to better use. |
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May 31, 2006, 9:23 am PDT
Quote From: sheripaul My son who is now 23 has wanted to get a tatoo for years. I really hate tattoos and find them ugly and low class, however now that he is an adult, of course he can do what he wants. I do implore parents to help set limits for their children because as we all know (as adults) our beliefs, perspectives and decisions at a young age are not those that we maintain as we grow older and hopefully wiser. Because a tatoo is such a permanent expression of a point in time, I believe it is better to avoid making such a long term decision until later in life. The way I delayed my son's tatoo for years was to tell him that if he is able to afford to spend money on a tatoo, then he doesn't need my support for his college education, living expenses or other ways that I financially support him. He needs to be spending his money on things that positively impact his future - not wasting it on a trendy tatoo. I was fully prepared to end my support of him if he chose to spend hundreds of dollars on a tatoo. He did choose to get his ears pierced (at one point with a wide guage) and bleach and color his hair. As another poster mentioned, these are temporary expressions and can be changed - they are not permanent like a tatoo. I love my son and want the best for him, and if he now chooses to get that tatoo he's been wanting, he can take some of his college graduation money and do that. I just hope he decides to put it somewhere that can easily be covered - he is considering law school or politics and I wonder how his clients or constituents would feel about it? To the poster above - it's naive to think that people aren't judged on their appearance - why do you think the diet, cosmetic, anti-aging and clothing industries are worth billions? We don't even elect politicians anymore who aren't attractive and look good on television, regardless of how humanitarian they are. As a society we make quick decisions about people and judge them based on their appearance - every study I've read proves that. Even ancient civilizations and third world countries judge their members based on appearance - it is part of being human. I have a young son and I cannot IMAGINE using your tactics to censor his self-expression. I cannot believe that your son is still talking to you (although I'd imagine he's only speaking to you for the money). As you say I'm naive to think that people aren't judged by their appearance, you may want to re-read my original post, as you obviously did not read it thoroughly. I said "I do not tolerate people who judge others by their appearance." That does not mean that I don't believe shallow people like yourself don't exist. I just don't tolerate or accept your kind.
I do not subscribe to the anorexic mentality plaguing women in our society. I do not subscribe to the antithought administration that runs this country. I do not subscribe to censorship. And I certainly do not subscribe to emotional blackmail and would never use such extreme measures to get my way and exert control over another person.
Ancient civilizations are dead for a reason, and third world countries leave handicapped and mentally retarded citizens, including children, for dead in the streets, and sometimes kill babies w/defects b/c of their appearance. If these values are what you need to use to justify your position, you may want to rethink your position. |
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