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Replies to 'Ready for Marriage?'
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June 2, 2006, 10:29 am PDT
 Quote From: mommy2cami Thank you for the reply. I'm sorry I didn't get your name, but your advice, if you would call it that was taken with a grain of salt. Thanks for the insult, but I'm not a child. How dare you judge the mental capacity of my boyfriend when you know nothing about him. We are both adults here and can make adult decisions. The fact that I have a few questions pending my relationship with him doesn't make me any different than anyone else. To answer your question, he first married at age 19 and admitted to me that it was an impulsive move and a mistake. He was married for 4 years and the relationship ended because he was tired of watching her children while she would go out with friends or to the bar. She also became a habitual heroin addict and ended up abandoning her children. Sadly to say, she passed from a self-inflicted shot gun wound to the head. His second wife, of 5 or so years, decided to have an affair. He revealed to me that a divorce had never even crossed his mind because he loved her so much, but the pain of the infidelity and the lies and trust issues ultimately ended the marriage. I know that he will not be ready to marry again for a while and that's okay, because I love this man and I can wait however long it takes. Now, you are right about one thing.. He does have 15 years of life experience on me, but just how immature do you think I am? Emotionally, we are at the same level. Mentally, we are in-tuned with one another. I have endured much more than the average 22-year-old women has. I also think differently that the average 22-year-old women does. So how mentally capable do you think I may be? Whatever you think is your own opinion, and I respect that, but you act like you know me and the truth of it is that you really don't. One thing I love about him is that he CAN be immature and live a little. He has a great sense of humor and we are definitely on the same page when it comes down to it. What's funny is that we do have our inner-child moments together and those are the best. Not like it matters, but just to let you know I was the one that went after him. And I didn't stop until I got him =) Before he and I even started dating I told my dad that I was going to be with this man. I just knew it. Another thing is that he doesn't even speak to his ex-wife except for the occasional phone call about his step children. I don't even think she knows about me which honestly doesn't matter. They don't get into personal conversation with one another, so that is that. I have got to say, your whole demeanor is depressing and pessimistic. I hope that in time you will learn to be less judge mental and more open about people's views and feelings on things. Just maybe you might try to wise up a little bit. We all have things to learn. Enjoy your day =)
Joanna I just wanted to add a little snipit to your guys' posts... I can understand being with an older man... It is not the same thing as your relationship, but I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29. He has a child and a career and I have only done two years of a degree and am working part time as a cashier. To us, age does not matter at all. I have always been mature for my age because of my upbringing and because I was forced to grow up too early. I have never had that great of a relationship with guys my age. They are all too immature and I just can't deal with them. My guy is the best man I have ever been with and he would not be as great as he is if he hadn't had the extra 8 years on me that he does. real age really only has part to do with mental age... not all of it. Even friends of mine when they found out how old my guy was said " I always knew you would end up with an older man" because they knew who I was and that my mental age has always been higher than that of my peers. Now, with that being said, I suggest you think very hard about whether or not you are ready to have another child. You said yourself that you are not sure, so i believe that says enough. I agree with Dr Phil when he says that every couple should see a premarital councillor before getting married, but I also believe that if you are planning on having a child, whether before or after marriage, you should do the same. Make sure you are really ready to have a child, and don't allow the fact that he wants a child before he's 40 to make up your mind. I have told my guy that i want to finish my school before I have a child and I would prefer to be married before bringing a child into the world. This being said, he knows that there is a possibility that he may not have his second child until he is 35ish... Remember, it takes 9 months for a child to brought into this world plus however long it takes to get pregnant. If he is 37, that means he will be forty in 2 and a bit years... so say he's got 2 1/2 yrs to go, that means that you only have another year before he's gonna want you to get pregnant and that you will need to get pregnant right away in order for him to keep his goal of the kid popping out by age 40. I hope he isn't trying to convince you to do something you don't want to.... Anyway, I think no matter what, you should go and see a therapist of some sort-preferrably with your guy. They may be able to help, especially since you both have been through some tough times. There really is nothing wrong with age differences as long as you both are on the same page and are at least 20 years of age or older... you have had enough life experience to make your own decisions. Some of the happiest couples have age differences... Even famous ppl are doing it... look at Donald Trump :p haha Don't know how happy they are, but he's got a hot wife, and she's got a rich husband and a kid... seems like a good thing for them! Hope I have helped!!! :) |
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