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August 28, 2005, 8:43 am PDT
New friend...ex best friend drama....
Quote From: newhope76Hello,
I have an issue that eats away at me daily and I figured I would get soem objective opinions. I had an best freind for 2o yrs...while now I realize it was mostly toxic. During that time we had many "joint" friends. However my best friend of 20 yrs treated me like dirt, used me and betrayed me. During the course of that time we met another friend and we all used to hang out all the time. One day my ex best friend decided to not talk to our new friend anymore, for no good reason, and the new friend was fine with it. Then when I decided that I had to let go of this toxic friendship with my ex best friend, she ran right to our "new" friend whom I had become very close with, as well as some other joint friends. However all of my other friends stood by me and said they had no desire to be freinds with my ex best friend who was toxic. However this one new friend has decided to become friends again with my ex best friend because she never "really: did anything to hurt her. Now my ex best friend is even planning to go visit her and it makes me sick. How can someone that I value as a close freind want my ex best friend in thier life. I hate to make her choose, but I just cant stomache this relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.
thanks in advance ;0) Are you seriously thinking about giving your newest best friend an ultimatum?? That would be the worse thing you could do. That would be very selfish of you- your new best friend's life shouldn't have to revolve around YOU. If she is truly your new best friend, then with time, she is going to realize that this exbest friend is toxic just like you did...but let me point out to you that it took you 20 years! So it might take her awhile, too. It sounds like the exbest friend is manipulative as well as toxic, how else could she have kept you around for so long? She is probably an expert in manipulation, so she's going to try her bag of tricks on your new friend. She will learn on her own, you shouldn't ask her to choose because when you do that, you will lose every time. Keep your dignity- by showing this doesn't bother you and being the "bigger person" you will keep a healthier relationship with your new friend. I suspect that you are worried that they will visit and then get to gossiping about you, right? If she is really your best friend, you DO have the right to ask her not to talk about you to the exbest friend, and if she is truly a good friend, she will comply with that. Otherwise, what they do together isn't your business.
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