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Replies to 'Infidelity'
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July 25, 2005, 9:08 pm PDT
 Quote From: azimm31 My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have two children (our oldest was born before we married) and we now have a third on the way. Having a baby is usually a happy moment in ones life, but I'm not feeling that way. About a month before I found out I was pregnant, we were on the verge of separation. I believed he was having an affair (not the first he has been unfaithful) and wanted out. We talked things out and he convinced me that things would change, more than that - he would change. For awhile things were great! He treated me exactly as he had before we had any issues. What I didn't find out until later was that he was still calling the other woman. When I asked him for the what seemed like 100th time he swore never to speak to her again. Once again, I found out from him that he had spoken to her a few more times after that even. I'm so bitter with him that it's really affecting our marriage and how I feel about him. He acts so dumb and clueless about why I'm acting the way that I am. I don't believe I deserve to be treated like this, and don't want to live with this anger any longer. Top it all off, he is in a band (that's how he met the other woman in the first place). Since I've caught him through his cell phone bills, he's begun playing every weekend when our agreement from day one was that he would play no more than 3 weekends/month max. I'm thinking that now he is using his band as an excuse to meet up with her. Although I have no proof that he is in fact doing that, I've still told him that I'm unhappy with his schedule. He works long hours during the week at his job then is gone for most of the weekend with his band. I know what I want to get out of my marriage and I am upset because I don't feel that I will ever get it. I feel like our issues just keep building up, and nothing is getting resolved. When and how do you call it quits when you have two children and are expecting a third? I'm not even sure I want to put any effort into fixing our marriage, and feel it may be better just to leave. Hopefully this makes sense and someone can give me advice...there is so much more to my story, but I can only explain a little at a time... azimm31, not only do you not deserve this, your unborn child is none too happy when Mommy is not happy! Like the good doctor says, a child would rather be from a broken home, than to live in one. In this day and age of STD's and HIV, do you truly want to take the chance of leaving your children as orphans? Obviously your husband doesn't seem to care. Like the old saying goes, a leopard can't change his spots, and although people can change, it sounds like your husband has no desire to do so. You need to be thinking of your children as well as yourself. I know there are studies that will agree that when a mother stays upset during the pregnancy, it effects the fetus. People can only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Don't put up with this. He can promise to kingdom comes, but that won't change whatever disease he brings home to you and your children. I hope this helps. |
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July 28, 2005, 4:24 am PDT
Quote From: azimm31 My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have two children (our oldest was born before we married) and we now have a third on the way. Having a baby is usually a happy moment in ones life, but I'm not feeling that way. About a month before I found out I was pregnant, we were on the verge of separation. I believed he was having an affair (not the first he has been unfaithful) and wanted out. We talked things out and he convinced me that things would change, more than that - he would change. For awhile things were great! He treated me exactly as he had before we had any issues. What I didn't find out until later was that he was still calling the other woman. When I asked him for the what seemed like 100th time he swore never to speak to her again. Once again, I found out from him that he had spoken to her a few more times after that even. I'm so bitter with him that it's really affecting our marriage and how I feel about him. He acts so dumb and clueless about why I'm acting the way that I am. I don't believe I deserve to be treated like this, and don't want to live with this anger any longer. Top it all off, he is in a band (that's how he met the other woman in the first place). Since I've caught him through his cell phone bills, he's begun playing every weekend when our agreement from day one was that he would play no more than 3 weekends/month max. I'm thinking that now he is using his band as an excuse to meet up with her. Although I have no proof that he is in fact doing that, I've still told him that I'm unhappy with his schedule. He works long hours during the week at his job then is gone for most of the weekend with his band. I know what I want to get out of my marriage and I am upset because I don't feel that I will ever get it. I feel like our issues just keep building up, and nothing is getting resolved. When and how do you call it quits when you have two children and are expecting a third? I'm not even sure I want to put any effort into fixing our marriage, and feel it may be better just to leave. Hopefully this makes sense and someone can give me advice...there is so much more to my story, but I can only explain a little at a time...
When is baby due? I am torn between recommending you remain until then or saying get out of the stress now. If you left, where would you go? Would you have help with new baby and other children? Have a plan before doing anything.
Acting dumb is his version of self-preservation. Empty promises are another ploy. Actions speak louder than any words.
The fact that you are pregnant and unhappy should motivate him to stay home on the weekends as per your original agreement or more. This shows clearly that your wants and needs are a very low priority for him. Yes, he is probably meeting her. Something is certainly a BIG attraction. Any unknown (to him) friends that could go check up on him? |
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