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Replies to '06/07 Moms' Biggest Mistakes'
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June 7, 2006, 8:38 am PDT
 Quote From: kitspics As I see it, you can't gaurd your daughter from herself! It is time for plain talk! And perhaps some counseling for your daughter!
Soon she will be 18 and you will have no say in how and where she takes her life! I don't feel you should be holding yours back because of mistrust of her!
It is time to lay the rules down with her and make her know you mean it! That you are depending on her to be responsible so that both your lives may be better!
17 is not 7! Your daughter is old enough to hear it like it is!
It is time to quit pussy footing around on what you have to say to her!
I'd explain to her that you know she is maturing! That you don't always want your relationship to be just mother the authoritarian and daughter....but as friends....and as friends you should be open with one another! And that you want to move your business out but are counting on her to respect you not only as her mother but as her friend to not bring boys into your home to engage in sex! That it is your home and hers for as long as she really needs to be there, but you want the sanctitiy of your home and privacy respected! That when she turns 18 and can't abide by your wishes she is free to move out! However you are hoping that you can trust her to live by home rules! Since you are paying the rent!
Also tell her you are concerned about how she is exploring her sexuality the way she is and are hoping she will seek out some counseling and will help her to find some! As she may not be comfortable discussing it with you! That you want her to make the right decisions for her life and she should want ot as well. That she should be willing to make sure that she is no way using her sexuality as another expression of self punishment as these things can be intertwined! That you care for her and want her to be able to know she is picking companions for the right reasons!
But bluntness counts. Expressing it with love and concern but as well with some authority! Honesty is always the best policy and walking on eggshells won't change it for you! Only you can make a difference her. And obviously your daughter can't read your mind. Time to tell her what is on your mind and offer her as well as yourself some opportunities to change the predicament you are putting yourselves in!
But in no way do I think you should hold up your opportunity to advance your career for this! Offer your daughter some trust and have some faith. Because I tell you, your daughter will be leaving soon enough and you will have held yourself back for nothing! And you will be kicking yourself later on if you don't!
Mother of 5, all grown up and flown the coop! I have been a cutter in the past. When you cut, it's to feel the pain physically that you feel from the inside. When you cut it's because you can't express your feeling. She's being sexually active because she looking for something that she is lacking. Maybe she blames herself for the breakup? Whatever she is feeling she needs help in dealing with that.
It took me a long, long time to realize I have to stop cutting. You need to show her that you are supportive and you can understand her. I can promise you she feels alone and isolated, and she is punishing herself. You know those kids are telling her what she is wanting to hear so they can sleep with her. Believe me this is her way of getting your attention and crying for help. She needs someone to talk to, and that she can express herself freely without any worries.
She has to be told that she can't control everything but what happens to herself. Tell her you love her and that she'll be alright if you let you know what's going on inside. |
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