Replies to 'The Other Woman'
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July 27, 2005, 10:47 am PDT
 Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? Hold on a minute...
This guy lied to his wife about you. He lied to you. He has waffled seemingly repeatedly about his "ex". He blames YOU for finding out about HIS lies?? He is STILL shirking responsibility for his behavior.
Come on...
Wise up. A liar is a liar is a liar. Promises from a liar are CRAP.
He wasn't committed to his wife and, if the past is any guide, he won't be committed to you.
He is more focused on HIM. He feels guilty about cheating on her but what about feeling guilty about how he's treating YOU? He sabotaged his last relationship and he's sabotaging this one.
I think giving him an ultimatum of stop seeing the Ex or I'm going to take away your child is, frankly, cruel to the child -- even if the baby isn't born yet. He IS your child's father and the child deserves to have a relationship with BOTH parents. Regardless of whether you commit to this man or not, the reality is... you will now be tied to the father of your child forever -- like it or not. I think you made your bed and now you are having to live with it.
I also want you to realize that you are ENTITLED to 100% of your feelings. He is minimizing how you feel and that is unfair. I tended to get "hormonal" during my pregnancies HOWEVER that does not mean that my feelings are simply invalid. Tell him to stop discounting your feelings.
My two cents... Q |
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July 30, 2005, 3:03 pm PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go?
I truly got a headache reading your up/down, back/forth, good guy/bad guy mess ! All I can think right now is how sorry I feel for your child. Excuse me, but you sound like your 17(?) going on 7, and "Keith" sounds like he's 25 going on 5.
You HAVE made your bed, and sympathy you won't get here, nor do I believe it will come too easy from other sources as well. You're not being irrational to want him to completely cut her off......but, do you honestly believe he will ? After all, he screwed her over with YOU.......now, it looks like he's screwing you over with HER ! Did you truly expect him not to ? If it wasn't with his soon-to-be ex ( time will tell if THAT will ever become a reality ) , it would've been with someone else.
He's an a-hole......shake him loose while you're still young, move on and find yourself a decent guy.....this time use your brains and not your libido. You should've seen the finalized divorce decree BEFORE sleeping with him. Consider this a lesson learned = the statement that his wife never slept with him was truly just ANOTHER one of his lies...........it worked on you..... didn't it ???? |
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August 2, 2005, 5:18 am PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? It's time for you to go...he's playing you AND his wife for fools, and you're both letting him. Even if he divorced her tomorrow, what would your level of trust be in the relationship? He's already let you know that he's going to lie, sneak around, etc., and that if you find out and get hurt, it's going to be your fault for finding out, not his fault for lying, sneaking, etc. Is that REALLY how you want to live your life, or teach your daughter life should be? Get out now, before he has a chance to ruin her life. |
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October 25, 2005, 4:04 pm PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? ...and that's the wife. She is STILL his wife and if she wants to still have a relationship with her adulterous "husband," that's her right to do so. You really shouldn't do anything more-- you and he have already done enough, don't ya think? By all laws of marriage, religious AND secular, the husband and wife have every right (and would be encouraged) to reconcile and get past this grave tresspass he has made against her. That would mean that you'd rightfully raise your child however else you could, on your own, or with the help of family, WITHOUT him in the picture, except for his court awarded child-visitations and monthly child-support checks. I really don't like judging people, but this guy is NOT cool. It's obvious that neither you nor the wife can trust him. You crossed over a boundary you weren't supposed to cross when you consorted w/the husband. That was enough. To expect him to be any truer to you than he has been to his wife is kind of silly if you look at it objectively. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel hurt and betrayed, but sometimes we bring problems upon ourselves...and this just happens to be a huge one, one that will soon involve a child. May God bless you and give you strength and comfort through everything you're going through. I am sure this is NOT an easy time for you. Take care and God Bless. |
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October 28, 2005, 2:35 pm PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? TO ME WHEN I READ THIS IT WAS THE SAME SITUATION THIS YEAR I WAS IN WITH MY DAUGHTERS FATHER. HE IS MARRIED, WENT BACK AND FOURTH TO HIS WIFE AND MYSELF 3 TIMES. THE LAST TIME HE LEFT WAS WHEN OUR DAUGHTER WAS 2 WEEKS OLD.THE LAST TIME HE SAID HE WAS LEAVING HIS WIFE FOR GOOD, BECAUSE HE WOULD BE WITH ME SO OUR DAUGHTER WOULD HAVE A MOTHER AND FATHER. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN HE KEPT MAKING EXCUSES TO GO TO WHERE THEY LIVED. WHEN WE TALKED ABOUT HIM LEAVING THE LAST TIME, I TOLD HIM NOT TO COME BACK. THE FIRST TWO TIMES HURT SO BAD BUT THE LAST TIME HOW CAN YOU BE HURT OR ANGRY OVER SOMETHING YOU WAS EXPECTING TO HAPPEN.I DIDN'T WANT TO WALK AWAY FROM MY REALTIONSHIP, I REALLY DID LOVE HIM ALSO AND I STILL DO. HE AND I WORK AT THE SAME PLACE, SO I SEE HIM QUITE A BIT. WE ARE ON GOOD TERMS ABOUT OUR DAUGHTER. HE CAN SEE HER WHENEVER HE WANTS FOR AS LONG AS HE WANTS. I KNOW AND RELIZE AND YOU WILL ALSO THAT ONE DAY I WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO DESERVES ME AND I DESERVE TO BE WITH. IN MY CASE THEY WON'T BE MARRIED, I LEARNED MY LESSON IT WAS A HARD ONE TO LEARN. I THOUGHT HE WAS MY SOUL MATE, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON, I WANTED TO MARRY HIM JUST AS SOON AS HE WAS TO BE DIVORCED BECAUSE WE DISCUSSED MARRIAGE. I AM STILL DEALING WITH ALOT OF FEELINGS AT WHICH I AM THINKING ABOUT SEEING A THERAPIST.MY ADVICE IS TO LET HIM MAKE UP HIS MIND WHO HE WANTS TO BE WITH, AND DON'T KEEP YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF HIS LIFE. IF I DID WITH MY DAUGHTER, I THINK THE VISITS WITH HER FATHER WOULD BE MUCH DIFFERENT AND I KNOW SHE HAS A STEPMOTHER WHO DOES LOVE HER ALSO. |
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October 29, 2005, 2:59 pm PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? You say that Keith had spent "months convincing you" that he lived in an unhappy marriage, why did you stay around? you already knew what it was like to be 'involved' with a married man from your previous relationship. You seem to have a pattern of being attracted to men who are not yours.
You are insecure about his feelings towards you, you should be.
My opinnion is that all or most relationships that start off as 'affairs' do not really turn out well, when all the 'magic' of hiding, stolen moments, great sex and words of eternal love wear thin, things change very quickly; because in most cases having an affair is just a getaway from responsibilities and reality.
You are so bitter towards a woman (his wife), who was probably hurt by the whole situation, I guess that you are feeling abit of frustration, hurt and anger the way she did.........
Your partner said that he was "unhappy for years" with his wife, if that was the case why would he be worrying about her feelings so much now, because he feels guilt !, his 'fling' with you turned from 'sweet cheating' into a complicated situation, your pregnancy.
I don't feel pity for you or your partner, I think that you are both irresponsible, your child is the innocent victim here, who deserves two loving parents, a safe and happy environment, how will you be able to provide this when you are going to be consumed greatly by constant mistrust towards your partner.
I hope that you can put aside your need to 'control' your partners actions and thoughts, (won't work) and prepare yourself for the precious moment of having your child.
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March 12, 2006, 10:29 pm PST
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? I am really bothered by this email... in the beginning, you say how old you are and you had been burned by a previous 3 year relationship with a married man. So, if I do my math correctly, that would put you at 14 years old in the beginning of a relationship?
WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???
Is no one in your life around and cares enough about you that will put their foot down and ground you? Are you kidding me? I am reading all the replies to your message and everyone is telling you ... "you did make your own bed, now lie in it", you are under age, slept with two married men, and now pregnant and living with one of the married men? Am I crazy for noticing this, and overreacting???
This is horrible! You are a child and you are bringing another child into the world in a situation that has no boundries or guidelines and the men in your life are fully taking advantage of the situation. These men are not only garbage but they are CRIMINALS!!! I feel sorry for you and the baby you carry. |
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August 23, 2006, 2:12 pm PDT
Quote From: katesmom05 Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.
I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.
Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.
So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go? Hmmmm....you need to know that ALL married men say they aren't having sex with their wives. They always have and they always will. it's just a line they use. my guy said it and he didn't come clean until I had a miscarriage...and only then he admitted to sleeping with her ONCE. SHE is the one that told me how often they continued to sleep together, despite being separated.
Your gut is telling you what to do. Like me, I have a hard time trying to listen to my gut. I try to argue with it and give people the benefit of the doubt.
It is true what Dr Phil says, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. That's what i tell myself every minute of every day right now.
I find out this week if i am pregnant, i hope to start my period tomorrow. it really sucks to know that i may have had a willing part to bring a child into such a dysfunctional triangle. however, it is not the child's fault.
the best thing for you and your child is what you already know. he's married to her, of course he is screwing her... |
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