Replies to 'Abuse'

One of the first things you need to do is see a lawyer. Each state is different, and let me say up front, fore warned, is fore armed. Don't tell him your intentions. I do know most places, if no papers have been filed, either of you could do what you want as far as taking your child anywhere. This is a great reason to seek a lawyer and find out where you stand, and what you need to do, so you stay legal, as if you left without getting some legal things done, he would just file papers and he who files first wins, if not only temporarily.

The abuse he is giving you, no one deserves, and  that is sometimes more difficult to deal with than physical abuse. It sounds like he has an external locus of control,(blames everything outside himself for problems) and one cannot change what they don't acknowledge, as the good doctor says.

If you want to go home, and not put up with this abuse, seek a lawyer, to ensure you are doing the right thing legally, and the go! Your unborn child doesn't need the extra stress, and as the good doctor says, children would rather be from a broken home, than to live in one. I hope this helps, and good luck

My Ex made ALOT of threats.

He threatened to kill me, to kill himself, to the kill the kids, to burn down houses (plural!), and to hurt my friends and family.

But the threat that kept me in the home WAY longer that I should have been there was the threat that he would take my kids and I would never see them again.  I, too, asked him if he meant kidnapping.  His response was a typical abuser response... VAGUE.

My rule on threats is this... if someone says they are going to do something, believe them.

So I suggest that do EVERYTHING in your power to not let him get away with his EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.  That's just what he is doing to you --- blackmailing you so that you will do what HE wants instead of what you know to be right and true for YOUR life.

And you have 2 choices.  You can let him get away with it or you can call him on it.

By calling him on it, I mean that you come face-to-face with your fears and act ANYWAY.

I suggest that you tell EVERYONE about his threats.  I suggest that you contact an attorney and FIND OUT what YOUR legal rights are regarding custody.  Knowledge is power.

I also suggest that you educate your self about abuse.  The more you understand it, the more you can FIGHT it.

Take care, Q

Your situation sounds very confusing and depressing, its so sad that your husband is so disrespectful to you. His threats sound very scary, I know, but remember that they are threats comming from his fear, he is playing on your fear...while he is treating you like garbage, at the same time he is scared that you would really leave, this is why he has made such drastic threats regarding your child. He sounds like the classic abuser; it starts out small, and gets worse and worse, right? I urge you to NOT wait for his temper to escalate any further. You wanting to be closer to your family is very, very reasonable, you need the love and support of your family right now. Also, he needs to know that you will not allow him to continue treating you this way! If you do nothing, this won't get better on its own. I know it is very difficult, but you've got to decide what is best for you,  your child, and this unborn baby, and you know that being safe is the most important thing. Its easy to try to 'trick' yourself into thinking he'll stop being mean; he'll stop lieing, etc...but the reality is that he can't stop because this is how he has been living his life for so long. You've made a mistake by marrying this man, but its okay- you are only  human, forgive yourself and move forward. I wish you the best.