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June 13, 2006, 10:53 am PDT
Liz, im just going through the steps of life too.....
Quote From: lonalea200At least you have family. I don't even have that. I have to live a lie with my family. I can't be myself. Therefor I don't even exsist. My bio mother didn't even want me. Got rid of me right off the bat. Last night I just cried and cried. Tonight I can't cry, I am too depressed to cry. It really gets you no where. on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being very happy I am at a 1. I just don't want to live. Why should I ? I mean nothing to no body. NO body has benifitted from me being alive. Not even me. I have given myself such pain for letting myself put up with this world for so long and fooling myself listening to others saying things will get better. They do not. Some people were made to be popular in this world, but I am a reject and that I will always be. There is no dispute about that. I know...I have lived this life for 44 yrs.
Liz am only here to take care of my family they do need me and that is my only purpose . before that it was my daddys job... now my daddy is gone and my mom and all of us has just fallen totaly fallen apart since he died.. i had a didabetic epasode in april of 2000 and my daddy was the one that brought me back he took care of me and in nov of 2000 he went in to the hospital with a staph infection and that was my time to take care of him and he got better so of and i took care of him and mom did what she could when she wasnt at work..... and then in dec daddy got worse and i took care of him and when he died we all died with him......... and everything just fell apart our world just fell apart...... since then nothing has been right. mom lost her job, my brother s job got sold like moms did then he lost his just like mom and since then mom has been through several things and my brother went to school to learn to drive a big rig and that didnt work out he was spending more money then he was bring in.. my grandma was getting sicker.. and she had to more in with my other aunt because the daughter she was living with just desided she didnt want her mom to live there any more.... so now when my grandma needs to come to her dr apt. and to get her mends refilled. i go 30 miles on way to get her to take her here to town and back and we have the greatest time. its the only time she gets out and came really have fun and be herself. she got all of her things taken away from her and it is all in storage and she will never get to see her own things again..... my mom,me and my brother have so many bills and there is no way that we will ever get cought up on them. im on disability
and i have more out going then incoming. same with mom. she sould be retired and resting. her body is in so much pain that she can tell what dont hurt betteer than what does... and that isnt much. she has worked most of her life since she was lil she was on a farm......we are a working family and we never get a brake . my brother is doing a very hard job. this family just needs has us and we dont have any one but us and even we feel all alone when we are seperate.......i am alone.... with then and with out them. i have my cats and all of my stuff animals but i am alone too..................tama
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