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Replies to '06/13 Trapped'

bleeke

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Stressed

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frustrated

June 13, 2006, 2:59 pm PDT

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Quote From: our4sons

Thank you as well.

Sometimes I wish I had a career but I know if I had gone down that path then I would not have my boys. I try not "I wish I had... ", "I should have..." and "I could have..." to much anymore. I have lost countless moments doing that throughout my life. I realize I am where I am in this marriage because of the choices I have made, my husband has made & those we've made together. Now that I am fully aware what I do from now on is my choice, whether it be staying or going.

You're right, it will be very hard to be a single parent of three. I was one of one child for approx 2 years & that was very hard in and of itself. Having a career to return to or the education to start one will make it lots easier to get on your own. I know full & well the fear of being a single parent too. Stresses will be there but some will be different and some will be far more rewarding. Imagine the pride you could feel once you've done it & came out of it with full & real respect for your self!

The times he would have the children could be your chance to rebuild your strength too, so to speak. Are you afraid he will become uninvolved with the children? Are you afraid he would not pay support?

Youth is still on your side. You are right in that. If he chooses to not love you, that's his choice. You have to accept it because there is nothing you will ever be able to do to make him feel something he doesn't feel. That doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love, respect or friendship. His behavior & feeling are about him, not you. They do not reflect you. When I came to understand that about myself & my husband, I was able to see things in a very real light... how what he did affected me, how I reacted affected me & my children, how what I learned from my lessons in life may have actually been wrong.

You are so lucky to have a chance to move on if you choose it. Get your support gathered around you. Love yourself & become all you were meant to be. Do good & love those babies of yours. Show them how real love feels too. Be healthy. Get rest when you need it & exercise too. make new friends. Get in touch with old ones.

Bless you & thank you for this opportunity. Your story has reminded me of things & is helping me too.

Best wishes,
H

I met a wonderful black man on March 31, 2005. We were married on Jan. 20 this year. He has 5 kids aged 7-15. I have 4 kids of my own so I didn't think there would be too many problems. I found out early on when I started spending time at his house that there would be problems. When he issues a punishment for them, he always gives in, in the beginning. I mentioned the word 'consistent' to him once and he went off. That is one thing I was always a stickler for. DO NOT GIVE IN! If you do the kids will soon learn that THEY have the power!

His ex has custody of them but they live with us and he still pays support!!! She does not use the money for them, she spends it on herself and her boyfriend, who doesn't want anything to do with the kids. She is trying to hide from the system by still using our home as her address.

I was on my own for 9 years and struggling very badly. When I met Tony, he was a Godsend! He accepted me for myself and was so sweet and loving. In the back of my mind I know that fabulous sex is the cement that keeps us together, but we truly love each other also.

He has a very quick temper. He says from being an ex-Marine and having an abusive father. When he feels his kids are being threatened in any way, he is ready to attack. He is a Vietnam vet, a trained killer.

Friends tell me he fits the mold as an emotionally abusive husband. He gets upset and starts yelling and hurts me deeply and then after awhile he cools off and sometimes apologizes, and we get along for awile until I say or do someting he doesn't like and it happens all over again. I am a VERY passionate person and when something upsets him, he uses it against me. HE is the one that is too tired or has the headache!! Maybe it was a mistake, but I told him from the start that I would never say no to him in the sex dept. I almost never say no to him about anything. Sometimes I am afraid to say anything for fear I will upset him.

I wish I had some advice for you couples but I feel trapped myself. I love my husband beyond belief and I don't want to lose him. I love the kids also and it is very hard to know what to say or do.

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