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Replies to 'Ready for Marriage?'
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June 15, 2006, 12:16 pm PDT
 Quote From: sntaylor1 I married my husband on 5/04. Things were promised by him that never materialzed. I was to quit my job, give up my retirement and live happily ever after. His promises were that We yould own a home together, partners on the retirement and I would be on the bank accounts with him. To make a long story short, It never happened. When I would question him he would say those things had to be earned. Consequently, I moved into the other bedroom and you guessed it very little sex or intimacy was had by all. So..in June of 04 I had the marriage annulled. Wasn't difficult for him at all because even though he had to admit to the jusge and court that he lied and never intended to share anything he felt that was ok because it would give him freedom from ever having to share one thing. He has always been very giving with gifts, clothing and things like that. His family hates me (don't know why) but I suspect it's because he tells everything to them about our personal lives so they have been poisoned by his flappy jaws. Recently he made a decision based their opinion as well as his Dr. that he should leave the relationship, move out and be alone for at least 6 months. So without me knowing it he went to the Bay area, picked out an apartment for him only and made plans to move. His plans fell through and he asked if I would go with him to find another place. I did and while we were there, he decided it was "ok" for me to go and we started picking out new furniture, colors for the walls and changed my address, etc. He had a DR.s appointment after we got back home and he also again made the mistake of telling his DR and family and friends. Well, you can guess what happened next. He found me an apartment paid the first months rent and moved himself. I could go on and on but the bottom line is he felt it would only take him a couple of months to undo the bad things he did and said about me to everyone. He also in the mean time planed a trip with his family to Colorado which of course didn't include me and before we split up, his daughter planned a trip to Disneyland with her family, him and "his ex-wife. I haven't heard from him for 2 days and he doesn't answer my message. He tells me he is not staying in the room with anyone but if that were true why doesn't he keep in touch like he usually does.? Does anyone have any suggestions? You need to pay close attention to your own instincts and intuition. Have you had a ‘feeling’ that this relationship isn’t healthy, that it won’t work? Obviously you have had that feeling, if only temporary, because you got an annulment. After the annulment, you should have gone your separate ways. But, it isn’t too late, its never too late. Your boyfriend isn’t going to change, and you need to know that there is never anything that you can do to change another person, either. He has to want to change, but from his actions, and from what you have described, it doesn’t sound like he is interested in changing. He just expects you to tolerate whatever he dishes out. Have you heard the saying, “You teach people how to treat you..” That saying applies to you in this relationship. By staying with him, you have taught him that his behavior is something you are willing to tolerate. I urge you to ask yourself, what is your limit? It is time for you to do the right thing for yourself, be your own best friend right now. You deserve to have a trusting, loving and respectful relationship. I wish you the best. |
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