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Replies to '03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3'
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June 18, 2006, 10:59 am PDT
 Quote From: kschmittz So, you're saying that the only money used since the birth of your daughter is money you earned from your job previous to her arrival? If that's true (which I highly doubt) then good for you. Most people don'[t have a clue how much money is needed to really raise a child. By the way, who provides the medical benenfits? That's on ongoing thing and the last time I checked most people (either husband or wife) need to be working to get those and for them to be affordable. I have also worked since I was 15. I'm just very confused about how you "earned" staying home. I just think you are really losing track of why you are home. It is a luxury that most don't have. If you choose not to see that or be grateful that you can be with your daugher each day then I'm not sure why you are home. And yes, I am not only grateful for my job but do consider it a luxury to have work. I do also "earn" my position by doing what's expected of me. I have annual reviews that insure I am doing the job I applied for. Do you have that? I don't think so. You wanted to stay home so what exactly are the "job requirements"? Amyjo alluded to this fact and so many got really offended and I'm not sure why. I work and have bosses and others to insure my job is being done correctly. If I were home and that were my "job choice" so to speak, I would also have certain requirements. True, my hubby is not my boss but I can see the frustration of all the men if they are working their butts off to provide a nice life and the women are at home and the house is filthy, dinner is not cooked and the kids are filthy and running around in PJ's at 5:00 when he gets home and the wife has not showered or changed clothes all day! Not that all at home Moms are like this but I think we all agree some are. Yes, some days will be like that due to kids getting sick (or Mom) but overall I think there are certain things that need to be done on a daily basis - especially if the woman agrees to do them! Amyjo also talks about this...agreeing to do a job and not doing it. IF you say "I want to be home to raise the kids and run the house" then that's what should be done. It's like a man saying" I'll make the money" and not doing it. Where would you be? I do NOT think the men on the show were real men by their behavior but I can see the frustration. You seem to operate under the assumption that only a dual income marriage is a true partnership. Do you and your husband divvy up whose money is whose and who pays for what? My husband and I have different roles in our family and his happens to generate the income. It doesn't mean we don't make family decisions jointly and that it's HIS money. Neither of us could have our life without the other.
I didn't ever say I want to be at home to raise the kids and care for the home. It is a decision my husband and I made together. TRULY. I had no idea what it would really be like and neither did he. We work it out together.
Why are people so bothered by the fact that a SAHM does not have a boss? Or specific "job requirements"? How it works out is going to vary depending on all the other circumstances. Some husbands work 40 hours, some work crazy hours. Some people have relatives close by, some have no one. Some people have small homes and some have big, high-maintenance homes. It's not up to Amy or anyone else to decide exactly what a SAHM's job is. It is up to each husband and wife together. Period. People got so offended by Grant and Ken because they were setting themselves up as their wives' superior and not acting in good faith in their marriage. They wanted THEIR WAY....period.
I see my marriage as sort of a business where my husband is the CFO and I am the COO. We can weigh in on each other's roles, but we do not micromanage each other. He doesn't critique how I cook or do laundry and I don't critique my husband's job performance. His salary has a large performance bonus factor. I would never dream of nagging or critiquing him to earn more and more money even though the potential is there. My husband does not have to strive for "perfection" in his job any more than I have to - especially at the expense of our marriage, family time, dignity, personal needs, etc. |
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June 18, 2006, 11:33 am PDT
Quote From: kschmittz So, you're saying that the only money used since the birth of your daughter is money you earned from your job previous to her arrival? If that's true (which I highly doubt) then good for you. Most people don'[t have a clue how much money is needed to really raise a child. By the way, who provides the medical benenfits? That's on ongoing thing and the last time I checked most people (either husband or wife) need to be working to get those and for them to be affordable. I have also worked since I was 15. I'm just very confused about how you "earned" staying home. I just think you are really losing track of why you are home. It is a luxury that most don't have. If you choose not to see that or be grateful that you can be with your daugher each day then I'm not sure why you are home. And yes, I am not only grateful for my job but do consider it a luxury to have work. I do also "earn" my position by doing what's expected of me. I have annual reviews that insure I am doing the job I applied for. Do you have that? I don't think so. You wanted to stay home so what exactly are the "job requirements"? Amyjo alluded to this fact and so many got really offended and I'm not sure why. I work and have bosses and others to insure my job is being done correctly. If I were home and that were my "job choice" so to speak, I would also have certain requirements. True, my hubby is not my boss but I can see the frustration of all the men if they are working their butts off to provide a nice life and the women are at home and the house is filthy, dinner is not cooked and the kids are filthy and running around in PJ's at 5:00 when he gets home and the wife has not showered or changed clothes all day! Not that all at home Moms are like this but I think we all agree some are. Yes, some days will be like that due to kids getting sick (or Mom) but overall I think there are certain things that need to be done on a daily basis - especially if the woman agrees to do them! Amyjo also talks about this...agreeing to do a job and not doing it. IF you say "I want to be home to raise the kids and run the house" then that's what should be done. It's like a man saying" I'll make the money" and not doing it. Where would you be? I do NOT think the men on the show were real men by their behavior but I can see the frustration. No I'm not saying that in the least little bit. Since you seem to rarely read posts entirely I don't know why I'm bothering to write this to you, but ok... I'm saying that my husband and I planned, earned and worked to make sure we wouldn't have to put our kid(s) in daycare. We don't like the idea of day care, so we waited to have kids until we could live a life style that would support that value of ours. We chose to live in Utah instead of Massachusetts for this reason also. I'm not sure what you don't understand about this. My husband and I PLAN our lives, maybe you don't. Maybe you just had kids with out thinking about what you wanted for them. But not me, we waited to have kids until we had everything we found important ready, including me staying home and my husband having a stable nice job that provides medical/dental/vision. We waited until we had life insurance squared away, we waited until we had 95% of our debt paid off. We budgeted and made sure our life style supported our choice. How is that not EARNING it? OBVIOUSLY Kira, (I'm going into armchair psychologist mode here, but it doesn't take more than basic observation of this conversation to see this) you wish you could be home, but you can't. The fact that you keep calling it a "luxury" SCREAMS that you wish you could be home with your kids. I am very sorry that you can't. That must be very hard. I am sorry that you are in that position. Staying home with my kids is something I value like food, water, shelter and clothes. To ME it's a basic necessity...not a luxury. Sure, in Africa, food is a luxury, medicine is a luxury...but does this mean I should start telling you that the food you put on the table is a luxury? That doesn't make sense. "True, my hubby is not my boss but I can see the frustration of all the men if they are working their butts off to provide a nice life and the women are at home and the house is filthy, dinner is not cooked and the kids are filthy and running around in PJ's at 5:00 when he gets home and the wife has not showered or changed clothes all day! " Um...what? You say these bizarre statements and I don't know where you are getting this from. You must live in a really weird world. Probably NOT worth all the money you pay to live in that neighborhood if this is how your neighbors behave. Certainly no one here behaves that way. You seem to have a problem with all or nothing thinking. Black and white thinking. Can you not fathom that my home is clean, my daughter is clean and well cared for? Can you fathom something between AmyJo, someone who took Grant's side for the love of god, and what you just described? Maybe AmyJo said "I want to be home to raise the kids and run the house"...but I didn't. WE said "Penny is home to give Emma the best secure start in life possible because that is our priority." You see, you keep misunderstanding that not all women and men are robots who fit into the little categories your mind has made up. My husband and I do not do what you think we should do! It's not what we agreed to, what we married for and why we had a kid. Maybe that is what AmyJo and the women on the show agreed to, but not me. And not Jetta or Amy, or anyone else here. Our relationships have evolved from Donna Reed. Why does the way I live my life bother you so so SO bad? |
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June 19, 2006, 12:10 pm PDT
Quote From: kschmittz So, you're saying that the only money used since the birth of your daughter is money you earned from your job previous to her arrival? If that's true (which I highly doubt) then good for you. Most people don'[t have a clue how much money is needed to really raise a child. By the way, who provides the medical benenfits? That's on ongoing thing and the last time I checked most people (either husband or wife) need to be working to get those and for them to be affordable. I have also worked since I was 15. I'm just very confused about how you "earned" staying home. I just think you are really losing track of why you are home. It is a luxury that most don't have. If you choose not to see that or be grateful that you can be with your daugher each day then I'm not sure why you are home. And yes, I am not only grateful for my job but do consider it a luxury to have work. I do also "earn" my position by doing what's expected of me. I have annual reviews that insure I am doing the job I applied for. Do you have that? I don't think so. You wanted to stay home so what exactly are the "job requirements"? Amyjo alluded to this fact and so many got really offended and I'm not sure why. I work and have bosses and others to insure my job is being done correctly. If I were home and that were my "job choice" so to speak, I would also have certain requirements. True, my hubby is not my boss but I can see the frustration of all the men if they are working their butts off to provide a nice life and the women are at home and the house is filthy, dinner is not cooked and the kids are filthy and running around in PJ's at 5:00 when he gets home and the wife has not showered or changed clothes all day! Not that all at home Moms are like this but I think we all agree some are. Yes, some days will be like that due to kids getting sick (or Mom) but overall I think there are certain things that need to be done on a daily basis - especially if the woman agrees to do them! Amyjo also talks about this...agreeing to do a job and not doing it. IF you say "I want to be home to raise the kids and run the house" then that's what should be done. It's like a man saying" I'll make the money" and not doing it. Where would you be? I do NOT think the men on the show were real men by their behavior but I can see the frustration. I have a question...So what if the house is filthy, dinner is not cooked and the kids are running around in their pj's at 5:00 and the wife has not showered or changed clothes all day? Does that mean that the wife should go get a job and send their kids to daycare all day? I don't think that is really the issue here... I'm sorry I don't look at taking care of my kids as a job! It's more of a no-brainer! I didn't get pregnant and we sat down and decided who was going to take care of my baby for the majority of their day (and yes I was a school teacher before I had my first baby). Trust me there are plenty of days with 3 under 32 months that I don't get a shower before my husband comes home. Dinner isn't always cooked and the children certainly don't look as if they are ready for modeling headshots, but they are happy, secure and with me, and that is what matters. |
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