Replies to '06/21 "Throw It Out!"'

    I am sorry  you got that "staying  at home makes you miserable" as your take on my post. I doesn't make me miserable to stay at home... to take care of the home, and my children, and my husbands other needs so that he can have the support HE needs to earn us a paycheck..... for I feel it is an honorable choice.........and one that my husband and I agreed to in the beginning of our marriage considering his career choices.  It is his misguided mis-treatment  of me, and his worse than ever disrespect for that honorable and in our case necessary choice we both made through the years,  as the problem.   That and  his "money bully"  attitudes of  control and emotional "abuse" guised as financial abuse......and other bad behaviors and attitudes on his part  that ARE the problem.  

   I have worked outside (and inside the home)  and am willing to again, but...........to hold it against me NOW.......without discussion regarding change is immature and disrespectful to me, and the job I did for years. It is HIS attitudes that are the problem. I realize I cannot change his attitudes, but I also have no intention of "jumping through hoops" this late in the game to satisfy his "attitudinal disfunctions" of his midlife crisis or inability to communicate as an adult regarding finances.  

   The nature of his two jobs made it next to impossible for me to seek any employment  early in the marriage and as long as his two careers were to be fulfilled  (as someone had to be with our children, and it is very hard to find affordable and competent care during the hours and weekends they would be needed,  much more so than a nine to five schedule. ) We also thought a PARENT to be the best child care provider.  

    It is not the staying home aspects that make me miserable, but rather the "fine print" my husband apparently has chosen to "sneak in" and his attitudes that MONEY making is all that matters   and in keeping with that ,that he therefore has "total rule and control of the money"  to the degree he has "taken all authority" over the money at this late date.  I doubt I will have very good "emotional welfare" if I am suffering financially to the degree it disrupts my emotional welfare and or my childrens security.  I would like to see how the "fat lady is going to sing" first, and then make decisions regarding the need for financial supplementation of  what I have already earned.  

     I do agree that my emotional welfare (and that of my children) is important. That is the only reason I posted to this thread in the beginning. Severly disrupted emotional welfare can set something like "hoarding" to excess in motion. His attitudes and the outcome of that may indeed start a "reaction" in one of our children that I do not see as  good for their ultimate mental health.   

    Not everyone who "prepares realistically" for the future "stashing a few nuts for the winter" should be seen as a nut themselves. However, fear of security or having  ones security and your world totally and rudely  shaken due to the lack  of or uncertainity of a secure future can precipitate UNHEALTHY hoarding.  Healthy or unhealthy hoarding many times is in fact biochemical or simply a somewhat natural reaction to security threats taken to the extreme. I was attempting to tie in the emotional aspects of how and why this may get a foothold and grow into a real problem, not just  bash the symptoms. 

  Apparently you are not thinking your suggestions through, as a day care center would be extremely emotionally and physically demanding and frankly best left to the younger more agile folks. Do you think they sit on their butts all day?  I would never take my children to such a day care center. There is much physical labor involved in day to day child care, but then you may have never done this on a daily basis 24/7?  

    I also find it interesting that "caring for children" is the first thing you think of for a stay at home mom that may have to or want to  return to the work force, as if there are  no other imaginable  talents within a person whose prime job has been caring for her own children. Many other skills go with being a stay at home, and I have many of those.........not to mention,   past  and present employment skills to include  artistic talents and that is what I am pursuing at current, portriats of children as fairies etc for part time work. I am realistic enough however to realize this, to  include day care work, is  simply NOT ample for  the full time support of three (and those are  just the 2 minor children still at home)  or more persons.  

   What planet have you been on? Day care workers are among the least paid workers out there.  Job security  in the day care industry is not the best, and yes it is very physically demanding. I will admit I may have the "brains for it" due to raising four children, but certainally not the physical staminia. That is is about as realistic as your final suggestion  of illegally getting money rather than legally getting "my/our financial  due" via  my marriage. You must have a very low opinion of women indeed.  

   As for standing on a corner prostituting yourself, rather than enforcing your rights of money legally earned and entitled to  by marriage and services rendered.......... that is a "silly" prideful statement some women may  make in jest,  but again not very well thought out.  

  I personally would rather go to court to get what is mine legally, (if I can get the money for that endeavor) than to illegally "sell myself" to the highest bidder, with who knows what diseases.  Getting arrested, lowering my self esteem to that level and doing such a thing to damage my and my childrens emotional welface make NO sense. I know you know that, or I hope you do.  Maybe you need to "get some pride" if that is your idea of a job. Please I know even you are intelligent enough to see that as "foolish pride"  statement , clearly not common sense.