Quote From: a_n_otherBasically I'd just sat in front of a gift and the wrapping paper and realised that whatever method I used to send it to my 5 year old niece there would be a problem.
Could we add to the above that new in-laws need to negotiate? The SIL in question joined in with no problems at first. Then one year she marched into my mother's on Christmas Eve and from a standing start - no-one had said anything other than "Hello" and put the children to bed - she started on my immaturity and controlling nature re my husband's family party game. Basically we all live 100 miles plus from everybody else in the family and I suspect my brother had insisted she came to the family christmas as he hadn't seen anyone for 6 months. My mother is very good at manipulation and guilt but recognises that times change and has never said anything other than "Oh well. Have a nice time at X, Y, Z" when told people won't be appearing at a family event.
As for gossip my mother will laugh at the odd flippant joke my brother-in-law makes about the situation but the one time I really sounded off she said "I don't think I should listen to this." and walked out of the room. Basically it's my other brother, my sister and myself swapping horror stories with our partners. My sister also gets people she and my brother have known for 15+ years telling her about over the top responses from SIL to things like badly addressed christmas cards.
Mind you this SIL isn't my worst one! That distinction belongs to my husband's side of the family. Only a complete idiot would have a joint christening with her best friend and think it could go ahead without the paternal grandparents, great-grandmother and uncle.
I wish people could just realize that on holiday's or any other time of the year to be respectful enough to deal with their wants and needs. I am not saying that My in-laws are wrong for what they want to do on the holidays. I was just saying I didn't feel a part of any of it because I have been in this family for 5 years and I don't know them.
Your SIL seems like she needs to stop worrying about others and stupid small stuff and start worrying about herself. Hopefully it will work out for you. I wish I had some advice for you but honestly the only thing I know to tell you is what I did and that is just back off some and let her hang herself. My in laws weren't getting to me anymore so they turned up the volume a little and then my husband had to see the facts as they are. Maybe that will work for you and your brother will see what your SIL is all about.
K
