Replies to 'Balancing Marriage and Family'
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June 24, 2006, 4:27 am PDT
 Quote From: joannag I've never been on here before so this might be all wrong, i'm not sure how it all works.
Let me start by saying that I love my family very much. I love my husband for giving me our two beautiful girls. With that said, I feel like I am screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of a busy intersection and now one stops everyone just keeps whizzing by at lightening speeds. I am 23 years old and a mother of 2 girls, 2 years old and an 8 month old. They are wonderful an I love them with all y heart. But I feel like I am a single mother of 3 instead of a married woman of 2. My husband has his good moments but I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. If I don't do exactly what he wants he freaks out. If I say that I don't want to do something he starts yelling about how I never want to do anything and he wishes that I would just go back to the way I used to be. We got married when I turned 21, 2 days after my birthday, our first daughter was born 1 month before our 1st anniversary. So things clearly happened a lot sonner than we thoguth they would.
We have been maried for almost 3 years and I don't know how many times my husband has threatened to leave me. He has also acted like he was going to kill himself. He will start looking for his gun furiously. It is really scary. I keep trying to get rid of the gun or hide it but he always finds it. I htink he needs to be on some sort of depression/anxiety medicine but he refuses to even consider that. Instead he balls up against the wall and crys like a baby. I started going to counseling after the birth of our first daughter for post partum depression. in the last month my husband has started going. I stopped right before the birth of our second daughter. i just don't have the time and i think we made a lot of progress so I stopped, it was one of those that i missed an appointment because of the birth of our baby and then just never rescheduled. My husband now goes to the counselor but he's only going because he knows it will make me happy. I have gone iwth him before and i always get the thrid degree ont he way there about what I can or can not talk about. He will threaten that if i bring up the fight we had last night, the one that I had to beg him to stay, he will leave me. I just wish that I knew how to make him grow up. when he actually tries he is a wonderful husband and father but it seems like after a day, if that, of "trying" he gets lazy and reverts to his old ways. Last night we had it out again because he wants to have a three way with a friend of his. The friend and I are completly opposed to the idea. I thought that our vows meant something, the whole i will keep myslef only to thee until death do us part thing, i took that seriously. Any advice out there for this single mom of 3, ages 24, 2, and 8months? Thanks
Joanna Joanna , Let me just start by saying Hi and welcome, and that YOU ARE NOT ALONE cause beleive me My husband acts the same way. For example today is saturday June 24th, my mother is getting married this after noon, well I went last night to help decorate the hall where its taking place, He got home from work and i had supper ready kids were already eating and i grabbed my keys and said I have to get going supper is ready , put the kids to bed at the usual time. blah blah blah you know the usual type of stuff, I no sooner walk through the door a couple hours later when i get home from doing everything and he grabs his keys and takes off.. I went to bed afte 11pm and he wasn't home , I had no idea where he was, nor would he answer his cell phone.. He is sleeping on our living room couch right now..
He has alot of problems steming from his childhood and from being adopted and what his biological mother put him through, but he won't go for help, he won't go see the doctor about getting help nothing...I've seen this before as my father was manic depressive, bi polar and took seizures he was on medication for all that and he also had couselling, personally when his doctor told him he no longer had to go to counseling ofcourse like any male they jump for joy and STOP going.. well when he was going there was a huge difference when he quit he went back to how he was before... I have had many appointments that I was to go to that I have cancelled for one reason to another and haven't been able to reschedule cause he doesn't want to take the time off from work or hand over the van keys as right now we have only one vechicle and thats it, everyone else is working and as my husband and being pregnant with our third child I kinda figure you know he could atleast make the effort .. but noooooo..
As for the three some.. tell him if he wants someone else so much then he doesn't want you cause if you and the friend is opposed to it then its just something he wants and figures he should get cause he wants it... tell him to grow up and if he wants to be in a serious committed relationship that that doesn't involve playtime with other people cause i am sure you could just as fast say bye bye if thats the way he wants it.. Cause Honestly if he wants that he doesn't want your marriage..
Best of luck and maybe he needs that reality check, mine did he's getting better after i did pack all his stuff had it waiting for him with the locks changed on the doors.. he kinda took that hint that i was fed up with the BS ... getting the feeling that if it keeps going its gonna be happening again...
Cryssie single mom of 4 ages 28,3,16,expecting 6.5 months |
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