Quote From: tresanbobI really need some help with this: I am remarried. I have two children from a previous marriage (they are 13-boy and 8-girl). I have one child with current marriage. My son, 13, and my husband go head to head all of the time. My son has been through a lot. His dad used to whip him with a belt, his step mother locked him in their basement and wouldn't feed him for hours, etc et. I have soul custody now. BUT my husband and my son can't seem to get along. Husband will yell and yell. I know my son needs discipline but is it my husband's job to do it? I know we have to work together as a team but he does it all. He will yell over what I am saying to my son. I am sooooo confused. I don't know if they will ever have a good relationship. My son needs a father but not somebody who holds him back from excelling.
Oh am I in your boat... I have a son from a previous marriage. Same problem, my boy was WILD.. my ex husband was a very "Disinterested" parent. so my son would tell my new husband he hated him.. did not have to listen to him. So.. maybe what we did will work for you. My husband and I provide my son a United Front. This takes time, and it does work,and it takes DAILY work also.
You and your husband are a team. Basic rules apply, (an example: no desert before dinner, that sort of thing. Start at the basics. Yelling has to stop. If my son goes to my husband and he says "I want icecream now" and my husband says no, It's lunchtime" and then my son comes to me-- I say no also. Even if I think it's okay for my son to have the icrecream... Always a UNITED FRONT.
if I disagree with my husband on his verdict, we go into our room.. lock the door .. and discuss it. Quietly.. and I will ask-- "what is the reason you say no? It seems okay to me .." and we Come to an agreement, and if any changes are to be made, we let "OUR" son know. Now "my son" is OUR son. We are a family, and my husband is respected by my son and he even calls him Dad. Now my son won't go to sleep unless he knows my husband is safe and at home. Sometimes. Our kids need love, but support comes in many forms, and your husband needs to feel his opinion is supported and he has a role as the father of these kids. he needs to feel respected (it's why he yells to be heard) also. You BOTH have the last words, your a united front, and best friends. Then the kids get everything they need in a loving enviroment. Not a war zone.
