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Replies to 'Infertility'
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September 5, 2005, 11:00 am PDT
 Quote From: kimbrem Obviously, I think we all desire a child with our spouse because we want a family, not just a baby. I don't know how I would handle your situation except making sure my spouse completely understood my feelings and desires on the matter. You have got to make sure you are clear about this yourself first. !00%. You need to confront yourself, Is this a dealbreaker? If he doesn't want to, then what would your response be? When you know, you've got to make it a real conversation. If it's something you want resolved, then make it clear it has to be resolved and be honest about how you will feel about the choices in resolution. Ask for why his reasoning makes him make it so difficult for you to get treatment. Tell him how he is sabotaging you by breaking the appointment, and tell him that is unnacceptable. You guys have to come to an agreement. Lay your cards on the table. Be honest above all. This is your relationship and there is no need to try to manipulate it or hold back the way you really feel. I think all men and women are afraid sometimes. Men may not want to go for treatment because they suspect it may be related to them. I'm sure they feel just like we do in that they may feel their masculinity lessened by a test that may tell them they are "shooting blanks". Sometimes we as women neglect to take into account their fears. Maybe you should make it clear that it doesn't matter what is causing it. You should definitely make clear your feelings on how important it is to seek a solution to this. About the religion thing, what are your feelings? Maybe you should hold a sort of debate on that. I know that I don't feel ivf is immoral. Does your husband? I know most churches have adopted liberal stances on this issue. That might be something to explore. Whatever happens, the first important thing right now is resolving the relationship issues that exist now in this marriage. I don't believe you want to bring a child into a divorce. It is up to you if you decide to have a child as a single person, but it's up to both of you to have a child in your marriage. I'm a little surprised that you guys have been married 7 years and haven't resolved this yet. It's not a small issue by any means in a marriage. That's at the top of the list of things to talk about before you get married. I wish you the best of luck. I can't imagine your frustration over this and the heartache and stress it must be putting on your relationship. I can only imagine that you probably really need a hug. Kim I have all these thoughts and dreams on how to build our lives and family. I feel he just sits back and takes it stride. I hate to report but things aren't getting any better. I love him and can't imagine life without him. We fight all the time. My resentment has grown worse. He believes that if you keep bringing things up your holding grudges. I believe you need to settle things or they'll always be there.
I went to church for the first time in a long time. I want a change. My faith is almost gone. I have almost let this destroy me. These feelings are so strong for a child. What doesn't make a lot of sense is, I have 4 sisters all have children and had no trouble conceiving. My husband has 1 brother who has been able to get his girlfriend pregnant 5 times. They only have 2 children 3 were miscarriages. She's a diabetic and it's been very dangerous for her. As a matter of fact the their second one was just born 1 week ago. She ask me to sit in, she had a c- section. I don't know if I should have. Although I handle it better than I thought I would. It was so beautiful to watch a life be brought into this world, and it's amazing just how much you can love them without knowing them. I want a child so bad. I do want to thank you for responding. It's nice to know someone some what understands. You don't go 7 years without resolving something. Did I mention I'll be 30 in a short while. I have done my research. And when a woman has never conceived by the age of 30 the risk are higher. From ovarian cancer to birth defects. I'm thinking that maybe after all this we'll never get on the same page. And my hopes and dreams having a family with this man will never happen. I feel those around me think I make it worse. But they don't know the hell I wake up to each and every day wondering if I'll ever have children. |
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