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Replies to 'Co-Parenting'
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July 6, 2006, 10:20 pm PDT
 Quote From: teressav My fiance and I just won custody of his 4.5 year old child. His mother has been addicted to crack, for many many years. In fact, he tested postive for cocaine when he was born and went through withdrawls. CPS took him and placed him in the maternal grandmothers care for one year. During that time she continued to test positive for cocaine.
My fiance and her got a divorce two years ago. And she had custody with him having every other weekend and they both had equal parenting decision making. Since this time, there has been many many occasions when he has confronted her on her continued drug use and has told her that she needs to get it together.
She didn't take the opportunites to fix the problem and we finally filed with the court and won custody.
My problem is that the child never wanted to live with his Mother. When she found out that she had to go to court, she began putting things in his mind. And even had hime call with messages to his Father for her, like why are you being mean to mommy etc...
She also told him we lied to get him to live with us.
My question is, how much do we tell him about why he actually is with us? Do we tell him that it was becuz of his momthers drug abuse and her and her live i n boyfriends constant physical fights?
I don't want him to resent us. Please help, if you have advice or have gone through this as well. My Husband and I went through a simular situation last year with his four year old daughter Abigail. Abby had lived mostly with her grandmother due to the fact that her mother is in prison and has been there most of her life.She took off w/Abby right after her birth.When Jess finally found Abby(about 18months old) he thought it best to leave her w/ her Grandmother and let her get to know him first.Everything seemed fine until about the time we got married.Abby's grandmother started telling her things.Thing like I didn't want her, never to call me mommy, that her Daddy loves my kids more than her.She also started bringing Abby to the prison to see her mother even though she had never been before Abby didn't know her mother and it was very upsetting for her to go on those visit. She would come for her weekend and not speak to any one in the house except for her father.I have children close in age to her and they had always gotten along great.When My husband asked her why she told him granny told her we weren't here family we were strangers and not to talk to me or play with my kids.We finally made the decision the seek full custody. Abby was confused at first.But kids are smarter than we really give them credit for.Your step son is probably very aware of the things that went on @ his mothers.With Abby we never got into too many details.And honestly she never asked too many.She blended in very quickly.My adviceto you is: Give him some time,answer his questions as honestly as you can.Number one rule in my house was we never spoke badly about Abigail's mother or Grandmother.And if you don't think you can handle this on your own get professonial help. |
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