Replies to '07/12 A Predator in the House?'

There are professionals who know how to deal with children of every age who may have been in such a situation.  Luckily, your daughter is old enough to tell them herself what happened and let them determine the seriousness of her allegations.  True, there are children who use negative behavior to get attention.  There are also adults, like my uncle, who will push right up to the line:  They must be exposed and dealt with by their immediate family.  When it became known to my immediate family that my uncle had been inappropriate with my sister, myself, and even my mother, we took action.  I'm sure he's been inappropriate with many other girls/women, but we had the guts to do something about it.  I wrote him a letter telling him that if he ever made an inappropriate move toward anyone in my family again, he'd have to explain to his family why he had a black eye, a broken arm, or was arrested and would be black-balled from his relatives and friends.  I kept a copy and told him I'd show it to his family.  Surprisingly, he showed the letter to his wife (an abuse enabler and heavily into denial) and extolled his detestment of our family.  Today, we are barely civil to him at family functions.  He keeps to himself.  I don't think his grown sons know about it, but his wife understands that when he passes on (he's in his late 80's now and not well - his youngest son recently died of cancer), we will not attend his funeral.  It's not our concern what explanation she will give anyone who asks why we're not there.  Our response to those who would ask why we're not close to him is that we're estranged because of his abusive behavior.  Period.

 Donna-

It so disturbing that a judge would not believe you regarding such a serious matter.  This makes me so angry.  I pray for your daughter and maybe suggest that you get her counseling to help her through all of this. 

Take care a be strong for her

 Donna-

It so disturbing that a judge would not believe you regarding such a serious matter.  This makes me so angry.  I pray for your daughter and maybe suggest that you get her counseling to help her through all of this. 

Take care a be strong for her

I have written several messages trying to get this problem out in the open. I have been fighting with the courts for two and a half years about my children. My ex-husband began to "groom" my daughter and was laying naked next to her. All the therapist agreed that he was trying to molest her. I had all the evidence presented to the court. They would not re-open a case he had in the late eighties for molesting what I found out to be a two year old! They told me it was inadmissible. He admitted to everything and the court still let him have visitation rights with his Mother as the supervisor! What is wrong with our court system? They are letting our children get hurt when all we want to do is protect them! Why are they allowed more rights than our children. Where does it say it is in the best interest of the child to get molested, because that is what the courts are telling me. It is in their best interest to visit their father. They even had us do a psychological test that proved he had tendencies to be a pedophile and/or a serial killer. AND THEY WANT MY KIDS TO GO BACK THERE? The bailiff rolled her eyes at me when I stated what he did. Where is the justice. I have written DR. Phil a message about this. I really would like to see what he has to say, and maybe give us mothers some advice on how, emotionally, we are to handle this? I have spent over $15,000 trying to keep my kids away from him, but it has not worked yet, and I will never stop trying. 

If anyone has any advise, please let me know too. I am running out of options and my kids are running out of time. 

Erin M. 

Your 14 year old daughter must come first whether there is something wrong or not.  Most of these men try to discredit children and survivors in many ways.  A 14 year old child is worth protecting over a big man.  The defiling process is destructive; I know.  Young girls will become depressed, anxious and a failure; emotional ties with any family will eventually become non-existent.  These things were not normal for the first 14 years.  There will be a little future if you both make a new start, otherwise there will be nothing to look forward to on earth.  Your husband will feel lonely and angry, but he needs to get it together on his own.    

  

Sandy