Message Boards
Replies to '07/10 Biggest Brats'
|
July 8, 2006, 5:25 pm PDT
 Quote From: mkonu1 I firmly believe that allowing a child to think that he can disrespect his parents and others is a form of child abuse.
It is more abusive than the spankings that are not in fashion at this time. He will go on through life wondering why he is not liked, invited, married, hired and otherwise welcomed into society. Being permissive is not kind to a child at all. You have to teach a child to be respectful from the beginning; in the crib. The first lesson is sleeping through the night. That is teaching basic respect for parents. I'm sure you have never heard it referred to in that manner. You cannot wait until some magic age - 3? 4? 6? to begin socializing a child. You would train a dog better than that. We owe children respect, too. I definitely do not mean giving them everything 'I didn't have' and allowing them to dictate when, where, what and how life goes on around him. We owe them the social skills to develop into useful, happy people. 'Tough love' needs to happen from the start. It's very hard when a 6 year old is laying in the floor at the grocery store kicking and screaming or a teenager who's unsocialized behavior has landed him in jail or worse.
And, Dr. Phil, a spanking never hurts unless it is never given. I spanked each of my very active sons very seldom and all they needed for the most part was a firm reminder and/or time out. They never said, 'I hate you' or thru tantrums after they passed the terrible 2's. Bottom line they have to know that you mean what you say the first time you say it. My boys are grown now and I have asked each one if there is something that happened in the past that we need to talk about and maybe I need to apologize for. (Did I get that from your show or Oprah? :) ) They never mentioned spanking only curfews and onions in my cooking. They are good men of whom I am very proud.. Obviously, a negative consequence has to occur to stop an out of control child, but I don't know that 'spanking' is the answer. At the very least, a parent has to figure out how their child will react to negative reactions. Not all children will learn a lesson from being hit.
My daughter was out of control when she was three. I'd have been hitting her 24/7 had I used spanking. When I told her "no", her screaming could break glass, and she would scream in public so loudly, people thought someone was hurting her. Her pediatrician told me one day (when she had an outburst with him), to thump myself on the lip. I did, and then said 'ouch!' He told me to try it, and winked. The next time we were in public, and she started screaming, I didn't say a word. Just reached down and gave her a little thump on her lip. She stopped yelling for a moment, then started again. I reached down, and again thumped her on the lip. She never screamed again. She made the connection that the sound coming out of her mouth would result in a negative experience to her mouth from mom. I didn't have to use my hand, and it was so simple I was amazed. I've seen dogs train their puppies the same way. A little 'pinch' with their mouths, and the puppies get in line. A full scale, traumatizing, hitting with one's hand or anything else, isn't required, in my opinion.
From that experience, I learned to 'creatively' discipline my children. Returning home from work one day, I found my coffee table lying in a few pieces on the floor. My children (then 12 & 13) began their excuses when I walked in the door; "he did it!" "she did it"......"he started it" "she started it".......I said nothing. I walked into my daughters room and broke her favorite thing. I then did the same in my son's room. Then, I started making dinner, without having said a word. They quickly cleaned up the mess of the coffee table, and never broke another thing. |
|
|
July 8, 2006, 6:22 pm PDT
Quote From: mkonu1 I firmly believe that allowing a child to think that he can disrespect his parents and others is a form of child abuse.
It is more abusive than the spankings that are not in fashion at this time. He will go on through life wondering why he is not liked, invited, married, hired and otherwise welcomed into society. Being permissive is not kind to a child at all. You have to teach a child to be respectful from the beginning; in the crib. The first lesson is sleeping through the night. That is teaching basic respect for parents. I'm sure you have never heard it referred to in that manner. You cannot wait until some magic age - 3? 4? 6? to begin socializing a child. You would train a dog better than that. We owe children respect, too. I definitely do not mean giving them everything 'I didn't have' and allowing them to dictate when, where, what and how life goes on around him. We owe them the social skills to develop into useful, happy people. 'Tough love' needs to happen from the start. It's very hard when a 6 year old is laying in the floor at the grocery store kicking and screaming or a teenager who's unsocialized behavior has landed him in jail or worse.
And, Dr. Phil, a spanking never hurts unless it is never given. I spanked each of my very active sons very seldom and all they needed for the most part was a firm reminder and/or time out. They never said, 'I hate you' or thru tantrums after they passed the terrible 2's. Bottom line they have to know that you mean what you say the first time you say it. My boys are grown now and I have asked each one if there is something that happened in the past that we need to talk about and maybe I need to apologize for. (Did I get that from your show or Oprah? :) ) They never mentioned spanking only curfews and onions in my cooking. They are good men of whom I am very proud.. I am a fairly new mom...I have my first and only child who is 16 months. Sleeping through the night was huge for me and I was very firm about never having her in our bed. Since my daughter was 6 weeks old she has been sleeping 12-14 hours straight through the night and is happy to go to bed. I was fortunate to have a friend who recommended the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I read it before I gave birth, and I absolutely found it invaluable. People are always commenting on what a happy, alert, smart little girl I have...I credit 99% of it to adequate sleep. (And it wasn't just her nature...I "trained" her to sleep well). I'm also very protective of having my daughter home in her crib when it's nap or bedtime. Yes, it means I haven't been out past 5:30 pm for a very long time, but I didn't have a child thinking that my life would go on just as before. On the few ocassions we have gotten a sitter and gone to dinner, I'm just apalled at how many people have little, little ones out at night! My daughter can only speak a couple of words, but as soon as she could walk, she was expected to participate in helping clean up her toys or any food dropped from her high chair. What a gift it is for her to have opportunities to be praised for a job well done! Guess I'm kind of tooting my own horn here, but being 35 and having my first child, I'm really seeing what a difference there is between her and children of parents that don't implement healthy sleep habits and manners right from the get go. It also helps that I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter. I think that's a really important thing to do if you can, but that's a whole other topic :-) |
|
|
July 9, 2006, 6:36 am PDT
Quote From: mkonu1 I firmly believe that allowing a child to think that he can disrespect his parents and others is a form of child abuse.
It is more abusive than the spankings that are not in fashion at this time. He will go on through life wondering why he is not liked, invited, married, hired and otherwise welcomed into society. Being permissive is not kind to a child at all. You have to teach a child to be respectful from the beginning; in the crib. The first lesson is sleeping through the night. That is teaching basic respect for parents. I'm sure you have never heard it referred to in that manner. You cannot wait until some magic age - 3? 4? 6? to begin socializing a child. You would train a dog better than that. We owe children respect, too. I definitely do not mean giving them everything 'I didn't have' and allowing them to dictate when, where, what and how life goes on around him. We owe them the social skills to develop into useful, happy people. 'Tough love' needs to happen from the start. It's very hard when a 6 year old is laying in the floor at the grocery store kicking and screaming or a teenager who's unsocialized behavior has landed him in jail or worse.
And, Dr. Phil, a spanking never hurts unless it is never given. I spanked each of my very active sons very seldom and all they needed for the most part was a firm reminder and/or time out. They never said, 'I hate you' or thru tantrums after they passed the terrible 2's. Bottom line they have to know that you mean what you say the first time you say it. My boys are grown now and I have asked each one if there is something that happened in the past that we need to talk about and maybe I need to apologize for. (Did I get that from your show or Oprah? :) ) They never mentioned spanking only curfews and onions in my cooking. They are good men of whom I am very proud.. You are so correct. My father worked in a prison and some of the inmates told him that they wished their parents had care enough to disapline. Several said that if they had been spanked, they might not be in prison.
If parents would stop feeling like they need to be their child's best friend things would improve too. Why are some parents afraid to say "no?"
My biggest pet peeve is the lack of manners in this world today. When did this become obsolete? |
|
|
July 9, 2006, 10:03 pm PDT
Quote From: mkonu1 I firmly believe that allowing a child to think that he can disrespect his parents and others is a form of child abuse.
It is more abusive than the spankings that are not in fashion at this time. He will go on through life wondering why he is not liked, invited, married, hired and otherwise welcomed into society. Being permissive is not kind to a child at all. You have to teach a child to be respectful from the beginning; in the crib. The first lesson is sleeping through the night. That is teaching basic respect for parents. I'm sure you have never heard it referred to in that manner. You cannot wait until some magic age - 3? 4? 6? to begin socializing a child. You would train a dog better than that. We owe children respect, too. I definitely do not mean giving them everything 'I didn't have' and allowing them to dictate when, where, what and how life goes on around him. We owe them the social skills to develop into useful, happy people. 'Tough love' needs to happen from the start. It's very hard when a 6 year old is laying in the floor at the grocery store kicking and screaming or a teenager who's unsocialized behavior has landed him in jail or worse.
And, Dr. Phil, a spanking never hurts unless it is never given. I spanked each of my very active sons very seldom and all they needed for the most part was a firm reminder and/or time out. They never said, 'I hate you' or thru tantrums after they passed the terrible 2's. Bottom line they have to know that you mean what you say the first time you say it. My boys are grown now and I have asked each one if there is something that happened in the past that we need to talk about and maybe I need to apologize for. (Did I get that from your show or Oprah? :) ) They never mentioned spanking only curfews and onions in my cooking. They are good men of whom I am very proud.. First of all many parents spank when they're angry and this is the WORST time because it can be difficult to control how hard you spank and easy for some parents to cross the line to abuse.
Second, I'm wondering if you're married. Assuming you did something your husband didn't like, would it be okay for him to hurt you just to "show you he's serious"? I'm guessing your reply might sound something like, "My husband is my equal and my child is my subordinate". If so I'd remind you that your child is both your equal and your subordinate. Respect is taught by example and the only time you should lay a hand on a child is to show them love. The healthiest kids obey out of love, respect, and a firm example to follow, NOT OUT OF FEAR. |
|
Return to the Message Board
