Quote From: blgspcYa know, when I was preparing to finalize my separation/retirement I was experiencing a bit of anxiety and apprehensiveness. I actually found myself gnawing at my nails.
Then, I began thinking of how long I've been working with the, "Just get the job done." thinking. I don't mean that I devalue the people I serve and I certainly cherish most of the people with whom I've work with, however, I sure became aware of how much respect I've lost for the 'System' in which I work!
I thought about all of the people who have been right there with me, in the trenches. That's when I said, "I'm worried about NOT being in the TRENCHES...a long narrow ditch?!?!"
I also realized that I really LOVED my job about 15 years ago. As I was being promoted and saying at the same time, "But, I REALLY want to continue to work hands-on in Nursing." So, they gave me BOTH! Acute Primary Care and Management responsibilities! I was an idiot to take on the things I've been assigned in the last ten years!
I will miss those wonderful people I work closest with over the year. (Hey, they think I'm funny!)
However, once I got clear. I grabbed my shoulder bag, with my dingy head held high and headed for the Personnel Office to file for full retirement!
YES!
Brenda :-)
WOW! I too got tired of the system - worse, was discovering that so many people were so unhappy that they were hurting other people. I didn't take a full retirement - I took an early retirement which meant I lost 6% of my pension and in debt - means I'm going to look for a job. And that's okay cause after 7 months, I'm really not wanting to stay at home 24/7 anymore. I want people and I want to explore some of my skills that was looked down upon.
My turning point came the summer of 2003 when I decided that I was going to take an early out. I looked into it and slowly allowed the knowledge that I was going to be letting go of a life style that was so painful. When December 2004 rolled around, I had released work and all the folks (that was the hardest for me - I really made some nice friends). I remember coming to work 1 day and just put my head down on my desk and said - I can't do this anymore - where is this early-out. I need to leave -- I can't come to work anymore and just sit here. Yep, I ran out of work in Jan. 2004 - can can you believe I was told just to come in and get a pay check! The only good thing was that I was able to read & start using Self Matters - figured that work was my biggest TRUTH so I began to slowly re-think my role in my script.
Then 1 day, they announced the buyout for the end of December. They were offering $25,000 if some of us left. I didn't qualify for it; but I went anyway. I began 2005 tackling my thinking - I can't believe how intense some of those tapes are - took me 4-5 months to finally let them go. MER was really hard.
Then I turned SELF on my family & friends. I have turned a complete 360 degrees -- but it's different. Still have the same family & friends, added a kitten, and I may have finally found a career that I truly feel is mine.
I too left with my head held high. I couldn't believe I took that step either. The only thing that kept me from not going was remembering that moment in early December when I felt so lost and was so unhappy cause the early out hadn't been offered yet!
Marcia
