Replies to '07/17 Mommy Dearest'

The writer who felt basic/baby/care 101 was the most  essential  requirement before having a child was WRONG.  Since each baby is different, what you've learned with one child may not apply to the next.  Just following the rule of keeping baby clean, dry and comfy just about covers all bases.   

The important issue to focus on is to love the child, put the child first.  (no martyrs please!)  If a child feels loved,  feels secure, is encouraged to learn, taught patience and love, (by example is best) .....most likely that child will grow into a confident loving adult, who hopefully will make a good parent themselves.   

The biggest problem is.........so many young adults have not matured enough to take care of themselves.  When they become parents, I really feel sad for the child.  I'd like to see a mandatory maturity test given BEFORE anyone can become a parent.  That would save a lot of children from having rotten memories their entire lives.  

 My parents were totally dysfunctional.  It took years for my brother and I to undo the emotional harm they instilled. (He was in therapy for five years.)  Fortunately  I married a stable, loving, intelligent man who through the years helped me become confident, unafraid, develop self-respect. He taught me to see the good in people.    

(I don't mean to imply that my husband was or acted like a psychiatrist.  He just loved me, showed me patience, taught by example.  I had no idea how to handle anger other than fly into a rage, scream, yell.  How stupid is that.  By his example of calmness, seeking to understand, to talk it out,  I am able to handle disagreements in a calm manner.)  

My mother always boasted to everyone how she embroidered the diapers, and went without food so I would be dressed properly.  She would tell me how she kept me so clean and neat, what  a pretty baby I was..  That I heard all my life and,  and,  how much I owed her.  My mother told me at a young age that I was adopted.  No one wanted me, so she took me, gave me a home.......even though in truth, I was her biological child.  

So it's not diaper skills that make a good parent, it's love and patience, respect and listening.  If all parents had more of that, what a sweeter, kinder world it would be.