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Replies to '03/27 More Wifestyles, Part 3'
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July 16, 2006, 5:41 pm PDT
 Quote From: kschmittz "Why is this your issue? Seriously, why does it bother you so much? You seem to have a need to be assured that SAHMs get that they are "lucky" to be home with their kids and that they are doing as good of a job as you believe you would do in the same situation. If I decide to take a break while my kids nap, why does that bother you? It wouldn't bother me if you ran an errand or even got a manicure before you got your kids from daycare...."
It's my "issue" because that same at home Mom who does nothing with her kids, for her hubby or for the house is considered the greatest parent ever because she's "at home" and not using daycare. Also, that same Mom will and does judge me...I've had it happen too many times to count. You can say all you want it doesn't happen but it does and yes, it hurts. I think it's really easy to look at any situation and think the other person has it made. As for offering me a kind ear...don't think that would EVER happen! The minute I mention daycare/working no one has anything nice to say. Look at these boards, Julie...who here has said anything positive or supportive to me other than you? I have said over and over how I don't think I'd have the patience to stay home or that I think it is really tough. Has even one person talked about what my day can be like? I don't need pity either but I get tired of hearing over and over about the poor, tired, lonely at home Mom who sacrifices all things for her kids (Purple) or how every minute of every day is just perfect no matter what gets done (jetta) or about every minute of every day is consumed by their kids and they are never ever away from Mommy or other family (Texas) . I work out of financial necessity, pure and simple. We don't live extravagantly (as others think) yet we do have what we need and a little extra. Even if I "sacrificed' the little extra we do have I coudn't stay home. All in all, yes, I am judged for using daycare and it does bother me. Just like the supposed "insults" I put out there against at home Moms bother you- the fact that we do or don't act that way is not the issue. Like I've said over and over, it would be nice to think being a good Mom is more than whether or not one uses daycare. It just seems that at home Moms all want to have the saddest story to tell...as if that makes them a better Mom. Who can make better cookies, who cooks more and who does what on less money...no thanks. how many time have said something along the lines,'we as parents must follow our hearts and don't worry about what otheres think" and how many times have I tried to change the subject and mentioned something along the lines that "maybe we could all just be firends and start talking about out lives and I even introduced myself, really changing the subject............yea, I know what it is like to be judged, I have been accused of many things on these boards but in all reality, WHO CARES! I don't becaus eI know me better then any one on these boards and I accept who I am regardless of the judgements, I love what I do and will continue to do it, regardless of opinions form others, maybe that is what you need to start concentrating on, instead of the criticism, dwelling on the negative onlyh urts people, it doesn't help......ANd when have I said everything is perfect? you have never read that from me, it is all in how we read postings on here.........ANd who is it that just comes to the board to defend herself, you know there is a working mom board that could benefit you and help you and give you the support that you so much crave, why keep coming to a board that you hate so much and that you only get discouraged from?.........................Why not go to a board where you can get what you need and maybe even start giving advice to some one who is seeking help, there are many peop[le in your shoes on this board, you just choose to come to a board that you know isn't helping you...............................................................................There are also boards that you can go to and just have fun, meet people, regardless of their parenting styles and even their life styles, don't have to argue all the time, get over it already and be happy and don't let other people's opinions get you so down and discouraged, it is nothing but a waste of time. |
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July 17, 2006, 10:01 am PDT
Quote From: kschmittz "Why is this your issue? Seriously, why does it bother you so much? You seem to have a need to be assured that SAHMs get that they are "lucky" to be home with their kids and that they are doing as good of a job as you believe you would do in the same situation. If I decide to take a break while my kids nap, why does that bother you? It wouldn't bother me if you ran an errand or even got a manicure before you got your kids from daycare...."
It's my "issue" because that same at home Mom who does nothing with her kids, for her hubby or for the house is considered the greatest parent ever because she's "at home" and not using daycare. Also, that same Mom will and does judge me...I've had it happen too many times to count. You can say all you want it doesn't happen but it does and yes, it hurts. I think it's really easy to look at any situation and think the other person has it made. As for offering me a kind ear...don't think that would EVER happen! The minute I mention daycare/working no one has anything nice to say. Look at these boards, Julie...who here has said anything positive or supportive to me other than you? I have said over and over how I don't think I'd have the patience to stay home or that I think it is really tough. Has even one person talked about what my day can be like? I don't need pity either but I get tired of hearing over and over about the poor, tired, lonely at home Mom who sacrifices all things for her kids (Purple) or how every minute of every day is just perfect no matter what gets done (jetta) or about every minute of every day is consumed by their kids and they are never ever away from Mommy or other family (Texas) . I work out of financial necessity, pure and simple. We don't live extravagantly (as others think) yet we do have what we need and a little extra. Even if I "sacrificed' the little extra we do have I coudn't stay home. All in all, yes, I am judged for using daycare and it does bother me. Just like the supposed "insults" I put out there against at home Moms bother you- the fact that we do or don't act that way is not the issue. Like I've said over and over, it would be nice to think being a good Mom is more than whether or not one uses daycare. It just seems that at home Moms all want to have the saddest story to tell...as if that makes them a better Mom. Who can make better cookies, who cooks more and who does what on less money...no thanks. No one here is insulting you Kira...LOL And I had ONE bad day and said I was lonely...OVER 2 MONTHS AGO...get over it already...geeze! I have now lived in this town for 7 months and I have actually made a few friends and my husband's work hours have stablized. (He even got a really large raise!) My life is great, it's enjoyable and I like the direction it's going and every single day is full of fun. How much longer are you going to hold me to a bad mood again? Just curious...Seems to me that you are clinging on to it simply because it suits YOUR mood. I am not "poor" or "tired" or "lonely"...I do sacrifice for my child...but don't we all? And what could you have against Jetta's attitude? How bitter can you BE??? Jetta is energetic, happy, inventive, expressive and active with her children constantly. How can you have a bad attitude towards THAT??? That is really boarding on sick! And Texas also sounds like a mom like Jetta, full of life and fun and always on the go. I would HOPE that as my kids get older (l am still the mother of a baby in many ways, so I am not in the same stage of life as Jetta and Texas...) I can keep up with them the way those two do. They are good role models as mothers. Their kids are never board or babysat by the TV the way a lot of kids are....you should be PROUD of them, not using them in your bitter tirade. No one here is telling sad stories Kira....your bucket doesn't hold water...get over it already. |
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July 18, 2006, 1:06 am PDT
Quote From: kschmittz "Why is this your issue? Seriously, why does it bother you so much? You seem to have a need to be assured that SAHMs get that they are "lucky" to be home with their kids and that they are doing as good of a job as you believe you would do in the same situation. If I decide to take a break while my kids nap, why does that bother you? It wouldn't bother me if you ran an errand or even got a manicure before you got your kids from daycare...."
It's my "issue" because that same at home Mom who does nothing with her kids, for her hubby or for the house is considered the greatest parent ever because she's "at home" and not using daycare. Also, that same Mom will and does judge me...I've had it happen too many times to count. You can say all you want it doesn't happen but it does and yes, it hurts. I think it's really easy to look at any situation and think the other person has it made. As for offering me a kind ear...don't think that would EVER happen! The minute I mention daycare/working no one has anything nice to say. Look at these boards, Julie...who here has said anything positive or supportive to me other than you? I have said over and over how I don't think I'd have the patience to stay home or that I think it is really tough. Has even one person talked about what my day can be like? I don't need pity either but I get tired of hearing over and over about the poor, tired, lonely at home Mom who sacrifices all things for her kids (Purple) or how every minute of every day is just perfect no matter what gets done (jetta) or about every minute of every day is consumed by their kids and they are never ever away from Mommy or other family (Texas) . I work out of financial necessity, pure and simple. We don't live extravagantly (as others think) yet we do have what we need and a little extra. Even if I "sacrificed' the little extra we do have I coudn't stay home. All in all, yes, I am judged for using daycare and it does bother me. Just like the supposed "insults" I put out there against at home Moms bother you- the fact that we do or don't act that way is not the issue. Like I've said over and over, it would be nice to think being a good Mom is more than whether or not one uses daycare. It just seems that at home Moms all want to have the saddest story to tell...as if that makes them a better Mom. Who can make better cookies, who cooks more and who does what on less money...no thanks. You know what kills me really? Kira can keep spewing this angry crap at SAHM's with blind hatred but I can't be forgiven by her for getting angry ONE TIME 2.5 months ago. You contradict yourself in this post repeatedly, it's HILARIOUS...*not laughing* "Like I've said over and over, it would be nice to think being a good Mom is more than whether or not one uses daycare." Hey...Kira...everyone here has said this OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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July 18, 2006, 12:38 pm PDT
Quote From: kschmittz "Why is this your issue? Seriously, why does it bother you so much? You seem to have a need to be assured that SAHMs get that they are "lucky" to be home with their kids and that they are doing as good of a job as you believe you would do in the same situation. If I decide to take a break while my kids nap, why does that bother you? It wouldn't bother me if you ran an errand or even got a manicure before you got your kids from daycare...."
It's my "issue" because that same at home Mom who does nothing with her kids, for her hubby or for the house is considered the greatest parent ever because she's "at home" and not using daycare. Also, that same Mom will and does judge me...I've had it happen too many times to count. You can say all you want it doesn't happen but it does and yes, it hurts. I think it's really easy to look at any situation and think the other person has it made. As for offering me a kind ear...don't think that would EVER happen! The minute I mention daycare/working no one has anything nice to say. Look at these boards, Julie...who here has said anything positive or supportive to me other than you? I have said over and over how I don't think I'd have the patience to stay home or that I think it is really tough. Has even one person talked about what my day can be like? I don't need pity either but I get tired of hearing over and over about the poor, tired, lonely at home Mom who sacrifices all things for her kids (Purple) or how every minute of every day is just perfect no matter what gets done (jetta) or about every minute of every day is consumed by their kids and they are never ever away from Mommy or other family (Texas) . I work out of financial necessity, pure and simple. We don't live extravagantly (as others think) yet we do have what we need and a little extra. Even if I "sacrificed' the little extra we do have I coudn't stay home. All in all, yes, I am judged for using daycare and it does bother me. Just like the supposed "insults" I put out there against at home Moms bother you- the fact that we do or don't act that way is not the issue. Like I've said over and over, it would be nice to think being a good Mom is more than whether or not one uses daycare. It just seems that at home Moms all want to have the saddest story to tell...as if that makes them a better Mom. Who can make better cookies, who cooks more and who does what on less money...no thanks. As far as these boards go, the Wife styles shows were based on two SAHMs, that's why the conversation has revolved around that. When people defend a SAHM (especially in the context of these shows) they are not necessarily talking against working Moms. It doesn't need to be a competition.
All in all, yes, I am judged for using daycare and it does bother me. Just like the supposed "insults" I put out there against at home Moms bother you- the fact that we do or don't act that way is not the issue.
I'm sorry if you have felt judged. I know Penny had made one hurtful comment (as a result of a working Mom dissing her) and she has apologized in every possible way. Any other comment that has offended you has either not really been about you or in answer to you insulting and questioning SAHMs. It's become a silly snowball fight that nobody wants to play anymore, but nobody wants to be the last one knocked in the head either. Don't you think it is time for the grown-ups to call a truce??
I have seen the other posters on other boards, and I'm pretty certain they would be willing to start fresh and laugh over this. Some insults are VERY unintentional and you simply need to explain why some things are a sensitive point rather than getting down in the mud with those who you feel have offended you. Seriously, you have made comments about SAHMs that I have found to be insensitive, but I am assuming you did it out of ignorance. If you have never been an adult who is dependent on someone else's income, you probably wouldn't get why any insinuation that we are getting a "free ride" can be hurtful. People have done that to me over and over....my husband works hard and I am "lucky". And they don't mean to be hurtful, they just don't get that it makes me feel less than an adult, less than a partner in my marriage.
If it makes you feel any better, the same SAHMs who judge you probably judge and compete with each other. There is, unfortunately, an incredible one-upsmanship to Mommyhood. Can't those of us with a sense of humor, a little self-esteem, and more than four brain cells simply rise above it? |
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