Replies to 'Toxic Family Relationships'

 My mother --we don't get along.  Because my mother chose to tell another family member that she "Preferred" my sister over me, we don't speak, nor have we spoken in more than a year.  Our relationship has always been strained.  A week ago, my ex husband came to me and told me that through my sister, he had been asked to bring our 6 year old so to my mother's home during his visitation weekends. Behind my back of course.   

  When my son was born, he was in the NICU for a week and MY Mother never came to see him, or me. My mother in law came everyday to give her newborn grandson his lunch She's very much a part of his life, and unlike my mother.. our son knows her.   Naturally he's my son, so why should MY mother be bothered,?  When my mother called me to say she was a couple of blocks from our house- the week before, but never called or stopped by, or let us know she was going to be in the area-- well, I just chalked it up to her less than stellar "grandmothering" and let it alone. She had a busy life being my sisters full time caregiver to my sisters kids.  Naturally she's too busy to be bothered with my kids.   

  So, I am posting this in hopes of getting a few Ideas on what to do about this, if anything.  Once I took the ex down memory lane and how involved my mother has been in our son's life-for the last 6+ years... He agreed that she's up to something hokey, and we are pretty certain it's because my sister has no use for her since her kids are elderly teens now-- that my mother wants to use our son to entertain herself-- until the olderst grand from my sister starts having a family of her own.  Then we can console our devastated son because "Grandma" no longer knows he's alive-- again. Our son has extended family in his father's side.    

  I dont know if I should tell other family members about this-such as my mother's sisters and such,  but it would certainly explain my hostility toward her.  I could keep quiet-- since they already know of our rift from her last alienation tactics and why we are no longer speaking.  Our son is protected..  No, my mother is not diagnosed or on any medications for mental illness- though I have my suspicions.   She's been calling me and being silent on the phone, since I called her and told her I knew, and a few "Adjectives" about her to describe how I felt about her and going behind my back.  

Thanks !  

Annie