Replies to 'Giving and Receiving Support'

I can understand what you're going through.  I also found out where my first love was living and thought about contacting him.  I too thought I should apologize about how I ended our relationship.  When I first found out where he was living it stirred up a lot of old feelings.  I put off contacting him thinking it was not a good idea to do anything when I was feeling so emotional.   

Thank goodness.  After much thought I finally decided not to contact him.  No point going back in the future.  I am thankful for the love and happiness I have with my family now.  Contacting an old love just isn't worth risking everything I have.   

I let go of my guilt feelings about how I ended the relationship, and decided that there was no point feeling guilty about something that happened 25 years ago.  I moved on a long time ago and if he didn't then its his responsibity, not mine.  

I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.  

I dated a guy who was an alcoholic as well for 6 years; we were also engaged. Through those 6 years I was brought down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This relationship was very sick......we were best friends, yet we didn't help eachother get better. It was a viscious circle of chaos; pretending to have a perfect relationship, or I should say flat out.... "denial". Finally after six years & three of which were spent in Al-Anon.....I gained enough strength to move on. He took it very hard & tried for a couple of months to talk me into coming back to him. After finally realizing that I made up my mind for once (after many seperations) he finally let go. This was very hard on me as well, because I did love him (during that time) & thought for the longest time "he was the one". So I did have a period of time in which I grieved over that loss even though it was my will to do so. 

I have seen him since then, in the grocery store. It was approximately a couple years after we split up. It was a brief conversation, short & sweet. Of course it brought back all of the past memories......how could it not?.....at one point in time it was a long & meaningful relationship. But when I left him, I left him for a reason & that was because he was not going to change (stop drinking), our relationship was failing, & I needed to focus on getting myself better. And I needed to be away from him in order to do that. And when I finally did walk away, it was for good!!!! That doesn't mean that I don't have memories that I am allowed to remember, but my relationship with him is in the past & where it needs to stay. If for no other reason than the simple fact that I have a VERY loving relationship with my husband who has ALWAYS treated me with respect & love for who I am & is my best friend today. Also he is a loving & supportive father to our children. "I have ALL of my needs met today with the family I have & I feel complete with my family & do not need my past to be the present....ever again!"  

If this is how you feel with the family that you have today, then I would make the suggestion to sleep on it & consider maybe writing a letter to him to apologize for what ever you feel the need to, BUT DON"T SEND IT. The purpose is simply to come to terms with yourself, so that you can forgive yourself for any guilt that you may have. As far as him getting the apology, don't you think that he is grown enough to know that people lose touch & change throughout the years? I bet he has never said "she owes me an apology"....it was probably the oposite! But sending it to him, might start a relationship with him again against your initial motives. And this could pose as a problem, not only for him as you mentioned, but also for yourself & your own family. It is quite possible that after sleeping on it & thinking things through with a clear head for a couple days, that you might find that contacting him would be too great a risk & most of what you are experiencing right now is a lot of bottled up emotions. Face your emotions head on & sort through it all & come to terms on this issue with yourself prior to taking any actions.......in other words, don't act on impulse.  

I hope this helps! Good luck! And God Bless!