Quote From: bl0ndi_x0xwhen i was younger my mom constantly put me in ridiculous beauty pageants and always told me i was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. beauty became an obsession of mine since i was 4 years old. now, im about to turn 19 and im obsessed with how i look. its really pathetic. i wont leave the house unless i look "perfect". i always compare myself with other people and i absolutley hate it because i see myself turning into this vain, self obsessed person. it even affects my relationships because i get extremely jealous over absolutley nothing. sometimes i go out and if i dont feel like i look "perfect", i have a horrible time and feel like im constantly being judged by other people. others tell me i look great.. but i never believe it. when i look in the mirror, i see myself as ugly the way an underweight anorexic girl would see herself as fat. when i was younger, i thought it was just a phase i was going through. now i think it might be a bigger problem as i keep getting harder and harder on myself. it makes me really depressed, jealous, and i feel like such a shallow person for being so self absorbed. i know its a good thing that i realize i have a problem but what do i do about it? is there some kind of weird diagnosis for this? if anyone has any advice on this subject id really appreciate it.
First of all, you feel like a shallow person, yet because you recognize this in yourself, I don't believe you are very shallow at all.
I was never the pretty girl, the "perfect" looking one, yet I held attention wherever I went because of my hair color. People did look at me, I could never blend into the crowd as I so often wanted to.
You have a distorted self image, and because of this you feel jealousy. I did some research on jealousy a while back and learned that it is fear of loss. We get jealous because we feel possessive over someone or something. We don't want to lose what we perceive to be ours. What are you afraid of losing? Is it attention? You may need to work on your "inner tapes" and tell yourself that you would be better served by receiving attention from something you did rather than the way you look.
As far as feeling as if you have to be perfect, you recognize this, so challenge it. Maybe doing the "Self Matters" book Dr. Phil has out would be a good thing for you. I would suggest going out one day without any makeup. Maybe doing this in a town that nobody knows you, just to see what people's reactions would be. I can almost guarantee that you will not be ridiculed, stoned, or yelled at...what may happen you may blend into the crowd and not receive a lot of attention. Once we experience what we have been fearing, then maybe we find the fear of it was much worse than the reality of it....does that make sense?
I strongly suspect you are a deeply caring person with much to offer this world than just your looks. Sounds like you suspect it, too. Maybe facing what it is you are afraid of and embracing it would be a way to get through this. Just a suggestion. Good luck!
Teri
