Replies to 'Having a Baby Has Changed My Life'

I got married at the age of 16...yes i know, most of you think it is dumb and i agree, but at the time it wasnt, i was graduating early, plans of becomming a doctor, and he a cfo of a company, so we thought by taking this step we would just get one more thing accomplimed....we had been dating for years and everything was fine, but after the marriage things changed, i tried hard to keep things romantic but it didnt matter to him...we were living in anchorage and moved to salt lake city so he could start his freshman year at the university of utah, i went to finish my senior year and start cna classes, n e ways about 4 months into our marriage, i came home from work and he gave me a hug from behind and felt something in my pockets, it was my cigeretts, i had told him i quit but i was lying, n e ways that turned into a big fight and ended or marriage...my dad bought me a plane ticket home to alaska...a couple of weeks after returning i found out that i was pregnant, i cried for awhile, i always told myself that i would get an abortion if this happened before i was 28 years old, but for some reason it was different once it actually happened, so a couple of days later after finding out i called ray, and said that your going to be a dad, his response was 'when are you going to get rid of it'....i cried, and got off the phone...days later he called saying how i better not have the kid cause he get it taken away from me, i was scared of him, cause he was the best talker, and was so smart compared to me....but i watited it out...my duration of my pregnancy i stayed in a one bedroom apartment with 4 other of my family members, we had no running water, or anything, my dad was building a new house that wasnt finished until a month before the baby was going to be due...my mom was my only friend throughout the pregnancy...i finished my senior year and graduated really fat because something was wrong with the placenta, and i couldnt do anything but go to school and eat...lol...so i went from 120 pounds to 190 pounds by the end of my pregnancy, stretch marks and all, the last month before the baby was due my mom, my sister, and i stayed in a hotel waiting for little sean to be born, finally on july 6th, 2005, after 16 hours of labor, sean was born, and of course he just had to be a painful 9 pounds...lol...i hadnt heard from ray since 2 weeks before sean was born, on the 13th we had divorce court, he wasnt there and i got my divorce...i didnt put him on the birth certificate because he asked not to be and i guess i respected that, cause it was my choice to have him and not his...anyways, i moved back to my small town with my parents for a while and when sean was 3 months i found a former friend to let me stay with her in anchorage while i got a job and sorted through things...after a month or so, no job luck, and finally i found a job where sean could even come with me to work, it was a cna job, where i assisted two seniors...my friend that i was staying with stop talking to me one day, and told me to get out, so me and sean slept in the car for 2 days, until my boss let me move in with her until i could get my own place, i stayed there less than 2 weeks...sean slept with me every night, he made it less lonely, he was my best friend, when we finally moved into our apartment we didnt have one piece of furniture so i got all of our clothes and put it on the floor and put our sleeping bag on it...i never thought that i would be able to get a boyfriend, cause who wants someone with kids right? but through awesome myspace...lol, i met my first boyfriend, who cheated on me a month later, but i didnt mind because it was the first friend i had made since being in anchorage and it also made me see that their are good guys out there and hotter guys than my ex husband...lol...and it also made me get sean a crib...a little while later i dated this guy phil, which is a long story within it self but to make it short he moved in with me, was great to sean, and then one day got scared of commitment and i woke up on mothers day and he was gone...he wanted me back a couple of days later, and we kept seeing each other without a title though, and its just confusing, anyways by end of may i was starting to hate my life, i hated my job, and i hated being in alaska, and ray called me back in march just to say hey, and it was very weird and i resented him a lot for not being there for sean...n e ways we barely spoke maybe like once a month but i had a break down after phil did that and ray aked me to move down and i accepted...phi was sad...n e ways im in utah now and me and ray fight, i cant stand it, so phil is most likely moving down here soon and we are going to move a little ways from ray...because ray is attacted to sean now and doesnt know how he could of not of been there...i just got a job today...so i guess thats how sean has changed my life....