Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

She may not report your letter...but I will add this  

Don't take out on this lady...what obviously belongs to YOUR MOTHER...  

Like your mother she did the best she could...she didn't abort her children...she chose to carry them and raise them...for that alone she deserves credit...  

Yes RAPE in MARRIAGE does happen and it's WRONG...I don't agree with calling them rapists, however that is my own personal view...I would call them control freaks who lack any form of respect for their partner... 

Health problems cause depression and then loaded with trauma can nearly drive people insane...  

You may be saying how would I know...I was an abused child three out of the four forms...the sexual abuse came from others and I hated and detested my mother, until one day I woke up and said to myself...she still has control of me and my life...best I find my own personal power and take control of MYSELF...not her.  I sought councelling and healing and it's taken me five years to forgive her and many others, however it's done.  It was a choice and has brought me peace.  

I confronted her, wrote too her and threw hissy fits over her choices and actions sought an apology and she didn't budge, so I did...I fixed myself...because I was the Problem...I allowed what she did to affect all areas of my life...she still denies it and throws in the odd comment...I have learnt to ignore it...some people never change and that is their CHOICE...I chose to CHANGE me and educate myself on human behaviour and how I could stop the pattern of ABUSE...for the sake of my children...All I had too do was acknowledge it for myself and get over my denial and start crying and healing...it was hard work and nearly sent me around the bend...but I'd do it again if I had too. 

I was the one who wore the brunt of mothers anger on all levels, my sister ran away and now has four children and she still allows my mother to CONTROL her and get under her skin...she even gone as far as threatening an anti violence order...and wanted me to be a part of the mudslinging...No thanks...I've healed my demons and found SELF CONTROL and ways too handle the situation with maturity and understanding.  

Have a go at me if you want...you need to talk with someone who can guide you on letting go of your anger and finding peace and you can report me for that...I think the majority would agree me...don't beat up on people because you have your own issues and don't know a way out...Calling someone a LOW RENT C...is really immature...I'd suggest before you consider this something to be proud of that you fast forward you life and hear your own children calling you that...you may say oh it won't bother me...it will and you will see what you've created through your own anger...  

Get off her back and go and sort out your own issues  

i said i made bad choices:manure, but 3 children were begotten: can my children hear me when I say.... they are my garden of roses?  

the fact is when he hurt me, i never called the police for fear of hurting the children, i never called him a rapist til now...... a spade is a spade and i got tired of protecting him 

the police told me to go to victims compensation board to try to recover some monies..... because of the beatings (the children saw this as he dd not beat me in secret and he did throw a wrench at my son's head missing him by 3 inches...... i nearly paralysed on the spot). Because of me having 3 children under 5 and a frail health, i stayed home..... lost my teaching career, pension and all. 

i never told my kids he had raped me, he did accusing me of taking him to court. 

guys, there are crimes anmd there are victims.......... i would love to talk to ym kids and beg dr phil to help as i am not a psychologist but know one thing my mom said -bless her memory -smile and the world smiles with you!!!! 

i want the rest of my life to be happy!!!!! i love my kids and will GLADLY acknowledge BUT i need a mastermind like dr phil to design the new garden!!!!!!! i need help as we all do........ 

i taught 13 years: kindergarten was so wonderful as was teaching the severely handicapped..... i did not mind cerebral palsy kids drooling on me!!!!!! i love children!!!!!!  

before you judge me or project your own motherly relationship on me.. we need to talki more as communication is hearing ad listening the other... not blaming!! 

i was not blaming my husband... i was accusing him of a crime against me...... raping a handicapped women seems ..... what can i say........ i am now in a wheelchair -i have broken bones too.....do i want to hurt my kids with these stories???? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to move on to  a happier more accepting world.......  

i had parents a bit like dr phil and robin....... my father was a family first guy and whatever my mom did was good and he passes the vacuum for her and gave her brakfast in bed 

JOY......... let joy reign.......... help me dr phil; reconnect, ask forgiveness, acknowledge.... help me thjink clearly thru where i come from, where i have been, where i want to go......... 

I agree with you, she wasn't addressing the real issues, I detest it when people do the poor me syndrome to try to make other feel pitty for them and take their side. My grandmother will never be allowed to see my daughter because of her actions, I lived with my grandma for 2 years while in college, during which time I PAYED her to baby-sit my daughter while I was at school and work. Well when I decided to move out and in with my boyfriend at the time who has been a good friend for 15 years and whose mother was my grandmothers best-friend, my grandmother threw a fit and called everyone we knew her friends and mine and said what a horrible person I was, so I cut back the time that she was allowed to see my daughter until she could act mature, which she continued with her antics so then I only allowed her supervised visits because I didn't want to worry that she would say bad things about me to my daughter (previously she had called me a B***H in front of her). She was so angry over the supervised visits that she filed court papers against me to get custody of my daughter, and accused me and my partner of horrific things, we had to go to court and the investigator came out to my home and quickly decided that it was in the best interest of my daughter to stay with me in the "loving wholesome environment" that I had provided for her. So I figured evil grandma would go away, realizing that she screwed up, but a month later she is e-mailing me saying she doesn't know why I am being so mean and keep her from her great-grand-daughter, can she be that frickin' oblivious that she doesn't know what a low thing she has done. I e-mailed her back and told her "you made your bed now lie in it", this woman has gone her whole life without ever being accountable for her actions and causing problems between everyone in my family, she has never been nice to me, but I always said well she is family, I finally had this devine revelation though, and it was my wonderful boyfriend/now fiance that helped me with that, if I would let people in everyday life treat me like c**p why would I take it from family, so in the long run I am no longer speaking to most of my family because they fail to grow-up, and I have made a family of my own from my good friends, whom I know wont back stab or take me to court, but who will love and support me as a family should. I am tired of how stupid peoples behaviors have become.

Trinket the lady you replied to if her husband wasn't nice to her he probably wasn't nice to her kids, and she still kept them around an abusive dad, maybe her kids would talk to her if she apologized for the horrible childhood she put them through, instead of pulling the woe is me act. Just because she had kids with the guy is no reason to stay with him, I have to much self-respect to let someone mistreat me or my kids, if she loved her kids at all she would have removed them from the situation, if you don't love and respect yourself how you love or respect anyone else. I have another issue with the woman you repsonded to if all she does is this poor me thing what is to say that she doesn't do that to everyone in her family that still talks to her, my grandmother was the same way she called you a couple times a day to complain and only bring you down, half of my family has changed their numbers and wont let her have their new ones because they don't want to deal with her and her negativity. If this grandma wants to see her kids maybe she should start by showing that she would be a positive influence in her grandchildrens lives instead.

I am sorry I really needed to vent and when I heard that grandma whining about her problems, it probably is for the best that those grandkids aren't exposed to such a negative person.

Hey trinket if you are reading this, I have come across a few of your post and really like what you have to say, can you e-mail me sometime noelle_13@earthlink.net