Replies to 'True Love'

Quote From: nanna513

I MOVED FROM MY HOME TOWN TO MARRY WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.  HE MADE ME FEEL SO LOVED AND NEEDED.  I GAVE UP MY JOB AND MOVED AWAY FROM MY  3 KIDS (WHO ARE ALL GROWN NOW), FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO MARRY HIM.  MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ONLY 14 MONTHS AND ARE ON THE VERGE OF GETTING A DIVORCE.  HE IS A HEAVY DRINKER AND ALSO VERBILY ABUSIVE. HE HAS 2 KIDS BY A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE THAT LIVE WITH US.  WE DON'T COMMUNICATE AT ALL, AND HE DOESN'T TALK TO THE KIDS EITHER (ONLY WHEN HE IS UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING THAT THEY DID WRONG).  I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING I KNOW AND I FEEL LIKE I AM FIGHTING A LOOSING BATTLE.  WHEN I DISCIPLINE THE KIDS HE GETS ANGRY WITH ME AND ACTS LIKE WHAT EVER THEY DID OR DIDN'T DO IS MY FAULT.  SO I STOPPED AND THAT UPSETS HIM TOO.  I DON'T FEEL LIKE HE LOVES ME AT ALL AND HALF OF THE TIME HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE HE CAN'T STAND MY SIGHT.  I RECENTLY LOST 30 POUNDS AND HE NEVER ENCOURAGED ME NOT ONCE AND ONLY MENTIONED THAT HE EVEN NOTICED WHEN HIS BROTHER PAID ME A COMPLIMENT.  BUT NOW I HAVE RECENTLY GAINED ABOUT 6 POUNDS BACK BECAUSE OF A FOOT INJURY AND HE DIDN'T HESITATE TO MENTION THAT I WAS GETTING FAT AGAIN.  HE NEVER HAS A KIND WORD  TO SAY TO ME AT ALL AND I USE TO TELL HIM ALL THE TIME HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM AND NOT ONLY THAT I ALSO TRY TO TALK POSITIVE TO OUR KIDS BECAUSE HE ONLY YELLS AT THEM AND TELLS THEM WHAT THEY DO WRONG SO I TRY TO PRAISE THEM AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT THEM.  I HAVE GIVEN ALL OF ME TO HIM AND HIS KIDS AND I DON'T GET ANYTHING IN RETURN.  I FEEL SO UNWANTED AND UNNEEDED AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS.  I HAVE 3 GRAND CHILDREN THAT I DON'T GET TO SEE AND I AM MISSING OUT ON THEIR MOST PRECIOUS YEARS WHILE I AM SITTING HERE BEING ABUSED BY HIM.  I THREATENED TO LEAVE ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO AND HE BEGGED ME TO STAY-- AND HE DID DO BETTER FOR A LITTLE WHILE, BUT NOW IT'S BACK TO THE SAME OLD THING, DRINKING AND IGNORING EVERYTHING ELSE.   SOMETIMES WE GO DAYS WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING TO EACH OTHER AND THAT BOTHERS ME ALOT BECAUSE I AM A VERY AFFECTIONATE PERSON.  I HAVE TO BEG HIM TO TOUCH ME OR SHOW ANY AFFECTION AT ALL, I TRY TO HUG HIM AND HE EITHER MOVES AWAY OR ACTS LIKE I AM BOTHERING HIM.  I DON'T WANT TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, I GAVE UP EVERYTHING I HAD AND NOT ONLY THAT I DON'T WANT TO WALK OUT ON OUR KIDS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THEY NEED ME AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEIR MOTHER DID.  IT HAS TAKEN ME A LONG TIME TO EARN THEIR LOVE AND RESPECT AND I HATE TO DISAPPOINT THEM AND LEAVE.  SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME, I STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I AM TRYING TO  STAY POSITIVE, BUT IT IS HARD WHEN ALL YOU HEAR IS NEGATIVE TALK AND ABUSE ALL DAY. IN HIS EYES I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IT IS TAKING A TOLL ON ME.