Replies to '04/18 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin'

DR Phil and Robin,

I have been posting here for a while now, and since my life in general has deteriorated.  I was just watching your show about bi-polar disorder and I was reminded of an incident when I was about 12 years of age.

First, let me say that I have been out of work for a year now, and I have tried hard to do anything and everything to get well in order to return to work.  My wife and I have been married for over 27 years and we have 3 wonderful children, all grown, one grandson, and two grandchildren on the way.

I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression over fifteen years ago, and my life has gone down hill since.  I have been living a life of being out of touch with reality.  I have good days and bad days, mostly bad days.  I am terrified about my conditions, whatever they might be, I can only describe the symptoms, and not sure if all the doctors I have seen over the years can identify the real root cause of my troubles.

I am now to the point, after losing my job in May, of almost total incapacitation, terrible fears, anxieties, depression, and pain.  We will lose our home soon if something isn't done to change things.

I may have been younger than 12 when these two traumatic events occurred in my life.  And I have even asked doctors if these events could be affecting me now.  One, who is a neurologists indicated that it was ridiculous to think this.

These are the events that I refer to:

• First, when I was in the fourth grade, I was attempting to siphoned LEADED gasoline from a container in the the gas tank of my mini-bike.  The gasoline was very warm due to outside temperatures, and when I attempted this, the gasoline flowed very quickly, before I could remove the siphoning hose from my mouth, and I accidentally swallowed about 1/2 gallon of leaded gasoline.  I was afraid to tell my parents, so I let nature take it's course.  Could the lead in the gasoline be a contributing factor to my depression, and other mental and physical struggles?
• A couple of years later I was riding my horse in an open field and when I tried to stop her before reaching the woods, she failed to stop, and I fell off the horse, and she kicked me in the head.  I lost my vision for a second or two, and was dazed, confused, and began to see strange colors in my head, and felt pressure in my head.  Again, I was afraid to tell my parents for fear of losing my horse.  The affects of this event lasted for days, or maybe weeks. 

I had a CT scan several years ago, but I know that technology has advanced since, and I am wondering if the procedure on television is a more advanced procedure than 12 years ago?   Also do you think these events could be a contributing factor to my current conditions?

I don't know what to do any more.  I can't even make most of my doctors appointments, and I can't seem to get anywhere with focusing on a job, or making sense out of the realization of what's going on.

Please advise.