Replies to '09/07 Dark Family Secrets'

The topic of child sexual abuse MUST be addressed by those in a positon to pull back the curtain of shame and secrecy on this topic...too often victims and survivors of insest are met with "the wall of silence".

The long-term effects of insest and child sexual abuse are hideous!!!!!!!!  Survivors are re-victimized when the abuse is denied, minimized, rationalized, or intellectuallized.

While I was waiting to see my doctor one day I flipped through a Canadian Geographic magazine in her waiting room.  I read an article about scientists for wildlife preservation doing studies on animals in the Canadian arctic…animals such as wolves, polar bears, caribou etc.  In the article it talked about how the elders of the arctic peoples are upset by the experiments being done on the animals…experiments like putting radio collars on wolves to track their movement and behavior.  The elders say it changes the animals.  One particular comment made by Norma Kassi, a Yukon Environmentalist, jumped out at me.  She said...

"Once an animal has been touched by a human, they act differently.  Their psychology is changed.  It takes the wildness out of them.

I consider this to be a profound statement, in that if being touched by a human can permanently alter the psychology of a wild animal…it lends proof to the theory that a child who has been sexually molested by an adult is changed forever, psychologically and physiologically.  Naturally, these things are just not supposed to happen…humans violating wild animals for scientific study and adults violating children for personal sexual gratification.

If people can be disturbed by the fact that the well being of a few wild animals is being sacrificed for the good of the survival of the species…why aren’t people outraged by the fact that 1 in 4 of our most precious resource…our children, is being sacrificed for the sake of secrecy and shame?

As being touched by a human destroys an animal’s wildness… being violated by an adult destroys the innocence of a child’s.

Unfortunately, some violated humans unlike wild animals…aren’t only changed; they go on to be violators!!!

Maybe we should tell the animals to just, “Get over it”, as many victims and survivors of child sexual abuse are told to do.

The survivor of Child sexual abuse is not the only victim, or the only one affected by the act, or more commonly “acts”.  The future children and spouses of survivors are also affected in ways they are not prepared for because often the long-term effects are not consciously linked with the abuse in the survivors own mind.   The parents of the survivor are victims as the guilt a parent experiences over having not been able to protect their child is also long term and devastating to them, as they watch their child grow and suffer the long-term effects of child sexual abuse.  Often the parent is also suffering these same long-term effects themselves, as the pattern of abuse is repeated through generations of a family because time and time again, it is swept under the carpet and never addressed.  People are ashamed that it is happening in their family…they feel it is a reflection on them and their character.  So when it is discovered that a child is being or has been sexually molested by another family member…it is covered up.  Do not speak…is the mantra of the family diseased by CSA.  “Think of the family name”…”Don’t bring shame to the family”.  I say it’s only an illusion of family…because families don’t sacrifice their own for the sake of “appearance”.

If you visit [http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/issues9.html#lon you will read...

“There is now an established body of knowledge clearly linking a history of child sexual abuse with higher rates in adult life of depressive symptoms, anxiety symptoms, substance abuse disorders, eating disorders and post-traumatic stress disorders”

In my opinion, this is the short list of the conditions and symptoms that are linked to a history of Child Sexual Abuse.

In Marilyn VanDerbur’s book, Miss America by Day, she recalls confronting her father after years of repressing the memories of the sexual abuse inflicted upon her by him, between the ages of 5 and 10.  He said something to her that I also find profound.  He said, “If I had known what it would do to you, I never would have done it.”  If that statement is true…then what sexual abuse does to a child is something that needs to be said…often and loudly.  There are people out there that need to hear this.  Child sexual abuse is cruel and violent and vicious.  Child sexual abuse destroys lives. 

If you were sexually abused and you are having thoughts or urges to sexually abuse a child….STOP…call a mental health professional and make an appointment.  You do not have the right to inflict on another child what was inflicted on you. 

If your child has been sexually abused…SPEAK…to your doctor.  Your child will need therapy to effectively deal with what was done to them.

If you have been abused, no matter how long ago, and are suffering long-term effects... TALK...to a therapist, councilor or support group.

People who have the courage to SPEAK break chains.

The difference between the adult who suffers the long-term effects of child sexual abuse and the paraplegic who was put in a wheelchair for life by a drunk driver is the paraplegic’s injuries are obvious.  The damage to his spinal cord can be seen on an x-ray.  There is no technology that can show you the damage to a child’s spirit.  Would you say to a paraplegic, “Get over it!”? …Would you say, “Get up and walk you whiner!”?  Even if his spinal cord had not been completely severed it would take intensive physiotherapy to be able to walk again.  What would happen if his wounds were ignored or he was told, “It’s all in your head”?