Quote From: megan_booI am 19 years old. I found out that I was pregnant at the age of 18. I was into a life of sex, drugs, and alcohol. I quit all of that when I found out I was pregnant. I had seen many people become pregnant when they were not ready and I knew that I was not ready. I also knew right away that I was going to choose an adoption plan for my child. I chose a family that I had known for a long time. I placed my son, who they name Isaac, into this family with great pride that this was the best thing that I could do for him. My biggest fear for the future is that Isaac will hate me. I know that the adoptive family is going to tell him through out his entire life that he is adopted. They have also promised me that they will always tell him how much I love him. So I know that he will always know that I love him, but I don't know how he is going to feel about me. I have never known someone that has been adopted, so I don't really know how people feel about being adopted. I don't want my son to feel like I rejected him. That is exactly what I tried to keep from happening. I know that I am not financially prepared to take care of a child, but I am not emotionally prepared either. It hurts so bad to think about the possibilities of what he might feel towards me. I feel like I no longer deserve to be happy or be successful in my life when I think about the kind of pain that I might have inflicted on my son.
My son is beautiful, and I pray that he has a wonderful life without feeling like he is was rejected by his own birth mother.
Dear fellow birth mom-
PLEASE PLEASE do yourself a favor and don’t beat yourself up! Your son is going to think of you as his own savior…hero…etc. I am very sad to hear that feeling like he’ll hate you in the future and that this thought is ruining your life. If ANYTHING you want to prove to him that because you placed him for adoption your life has had a significant change!! When I placed my birth daughter about 6 months down the road I got drunk one night….I went through a serious life altering moment (if getting pregnant wasn’t enough!) and I thought about the future. What would she think about me if she met me down the road say 15 years from now and saw me as a drunk…no schooling…no job...etc. She would think that nothing changed. I want her to be proud of me…hence the reason I hold my head up high. You have a lot of things going for you! You are awesome! Why would your son hate you? Be glad you know these people who are raising him. Have faith that they will raise him to look at the adoption process as being a life savor! Things will works out don’t get discouraged! You have done a wonderful thing, really. Please, life your day to day life as if to prove that you have improved yourself for the better. He was your life saver and you were his!
Which much love and concern,
Deborah
